i have no fckin clue

yesterday morning, i woke up in the middle of a street in downtown new orleans at around 9 am, while being arrested for public drunkenness. i don't remember what i was doing the night before that when i passed out. i lost my wallet with about $250 in it, and my blackberry. i spent the entirety of yesterday on the cold concrete floor of the jail cell, drunk the first half and hung over during the next. my body is still sore all over the place.

i was a little surprised to see that my dad was there to pick me up (at around 10pm). he'd been waiting there for hours. and when i got out, there were no harsh words or judgment or criticism. i don't know why i automatically called my parents first when i got arrested. i'm no longer supposed to rely on them anymore for anything. i really can't handle them being so loving and supportive because i can't ever give them what they want. it makes me feel like i owe a debt that i can't repay and that sucks. all i've done is shown them how far i could go in the way of destroying my life. and i feel absolutely terrible about that, but at the same time, i don't want to let my guard down and let them tell me what to do either.

the whole situation should hopefully make me realize that i need to start taking care of myself?

ps, i really would like for this downswing of life to end asap

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wow i never realized how bad rake is at FTP microlimits until now. example: i stack a donk for 100bbs, pot pushed to me is only 185 bbs... WTF? i can't do this shit!!

also, it does not help that i'm stacking off with ace high, calling flop because i have a read on some player, and then ignoring that read and calling turn (because WOW i CANT FUCKING BELIEVE THAT TURN GAVE HIM TOP PAIR CUZ HE ONLY POTS WHEN HE HAS TOP PAIR), and then the rest of it off on the river on a 772K7 board with A4s vs KTo.

i'm going to rage-join tourneys with this ridiculously small roll left. after i lose it, i'm shaving my head and studying for the cfa exam on the 6th of june.

the idea is to forget about doing anything else besides studying, until it grows back. it's so brilliant.

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1/2 live tonight

hand vs. ultra-loose semi-aggressive guy in mp, i have $450 and he covers

im in the sb with 75cc

straddle is on and 4 ppl limp and i complete, bb calls and straddle checks

flop 8c 6c 7h (pot $24)

i lead for pot, random utg calls and mp raises to $100, player behind him snap calls and is all in for $100

i flat

turn is 4d (pot ~350)

turn to act and i bet $175 and he shoves for 150 more

i reluctantly snap call and he shows T9cc

river is an innocuous 6s

-_-;;

poker isn't fun until you start getting big hands

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Comments (19)

i can't hit a pair to save my life

WWSF 39% over 2.6k hands at NL10

regrind fail

i'm going to set aside 8 buyins for 1/2 live and grind that instead

fuck me

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busto

well april was not a fun month at all lol. -3k live, -4k online cuz of the fucking keylogging scandal.

i cashed out my remaining online roll and i saved up living expenses from what's left of my live winnings. i realized a long time ago that money in the bank =/= bankroll so i'm not really able to deposit right now. gotta pay summer apartment expenses + next semester's tuition (fml i should have gone to class and graduated this semester).

funny. i tried rebuilding from what was left of my fpps and managed to get up to 100 bucks playing NL10 with 40 dollars. but then my friend mike's bday was two nights ago and i drunkenly 4tabled 25nl with it. hahahahahahahaha.

i gotta go look for a shitty minimum wage job now because i don't want to go back to my parents place even though i know they will be very very supportive, provided that i eventually quit poker.

/life

ps. seeing a shrink right now because i got referred by the dean of students for poor performance. debating whether or not i should tell him about all the time i spent playing poker since the end of junior year. i'm pretty sure he's not going to get it at all and instead label me as a gambling addict or something. fml.

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got back 600 from the scam and i want to move 200 to ps

halp?

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dogishead's blog on CR made me stay up past my bedtime

too long, but you gotta read

apparently, he started playing poker only 3 years ago! i have a lot of self-evaluation to do, considering that's when i started dabbling in poker as well.

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and thank you for a lovely april



and -2kish live

god i hate being so emotionally attached to my poker performance

and my friend mike is down like 5k playing live. some sick beats this guy took:

1. he has AA but is drunk and blind limps behind in mp. flop comes out A92r and turn comes a 9. money goes in vs. 92 and river is a 9 FHL 2.5k pot

2. he has JJ and flop comes KJx, he bets, and gets raised by K8o. he flats and check raises all in on an 8 turn. guy rivers a K, 1k pot
omfg

3. he has KK and some retarded russian guy gets annoyed at his frequent preflop raising so he 3bets with AJo from sb. mike 4bets big and he calls oop. flop comes out 664. he nudged me earlier so i know he's got AA/KK and im celebrating life when that flop hits. at this point, the russian starts talking shit, saying "COME ON LETS GO ALL IN. ALL IN RIGHT NOW... check (wtf omg lol...)." mike attempts to level and shoves about pot size and i berate mike for his retarded play.

omfg lol... russian proceeds to show his cards and tank for about 5 mins, and then CALLS TIME ON HIMSELF LOL

he eventually calls and river comes out an ace. ~1.5k pot. i folded an ace preflop what the hell.

the sickest beat?

mike owes me a grand.

...

in other news, im on the verge of dropping out on the last semester of college

and im getting tested for ADHD. i hope i pass so i can ship some adderall and go on a life heater.

chemical dependency FTW

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but i don't want to because it's all going away if i do

past two weeks (2k hands 2-4 tabling lmao):





made some changes to my game etc etc (followed edzwoo's secret formula to winning poker LOLZ)

but in conclusion, running pretty damn good

HOWEVER, within a larger scope, i'm failing horribly at life, so ecstasy and despair are only balancing themselves out right now. and i'm still lifetilted about the massive spew the other day (previous blog).

actually life is failing so badly right now even this little heater isn't making me too happy. plus, i know all this shit is temporary and i'm eventually going to lose it all. fml.








hey, in a larger, perhaps cosmic sense, nothing really matters, right?

i think i'll just look at this winrate, however ephemeral it may be, and coyly crack a smile.

...and not play for a week.




edit: LOL sorry for the weird ass blog entry

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Comments (11)

are fucking -EV... FUCK

if you wanna dump money in excess of 1k some random night and be left only with a feeling of deep and utter emptiness, go visit a strip club

ailshdf;oaiwehgf;oigas;ldkhg;wlakehg;lask

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