2 blogs down I was so sad, i really thought i had no chance anymore after losing like 1-2k on stars since i cashed everything out and quit poker a while back.
I put the max i could deposit on ftp via instant echeck and said i was going to try 1 last time, fuck the small time bs that i think is the reason why i lose. I'd go back to the limit i've played more than any other limit and play with all of my heart. Taking the advice of fazi and others i two tabled for 12+ hours only to win $80 or so on the first day. I was down like 1.1k in EV and overall i was upset but whatever, so i went to sleep. I woke up yesterday and besides eating and two small breaks to play hon i played poker for another 12 hours. Today... the same thing. I've logged 31.54 hours on the tables in the past 64 hours.
here's the results. i'm pretty happy about it all, especially the heater at the end! I wanted to quit 2 hours ago when i lost kk vs jj but i'm glad i weathered the storm now.
coming to terms with being a losing player is hard
CrownRoyal, Feb 08 2010
I cannot beat nl25 6max, my ptr is red, i don't understand.
I see the reasons why I should be winning, but I don't win. I'm clearly doing something wrong... when i watch how i used to play when i beat nl200/nl100 over 300k+ hands... I know that i can beat nl25 but i can't. I'm pretty sure I need a coach but i can't afford one
I cannot accept the conditions that i cannot beat nl25 and or am a loser in easy games(any game i have played for 6+ months)
Today is the best day of my life, please listen to my story.
I woke up and was naked, unsure of what the fuck happened and very curious as to whether i was victorious. I took 21 shots last night! I drank an entire fifth of jager + 4 shots of some nasty ass tequila, i had no idea that there was only 18 shots in a fifth... that's a joke. As i said though, i woke up and asked someone who spent the night if i did it and he said "yeah man, you took 22, great" I fist pumped and laughed as i jollily walked drunk through my house. I instantly decided that the day can only be topped off with steak, so for the two lucky people that spent the night at my house i went to the store and bought 3 steaks and a forty and cooked steak + mashed potatoes. Then I talked those 2 people into going to the casino and I turned like $20 at a blackjack table into a HUGE stack of chips ($300+) and lost it all when the dealer changed to someone who is in my family who i was "positive" couldn't "fuck" me LOL. I bet 4 times, each time doubling my bet and lost it all in 4 hands, LOL, he fucked me. I bought beer at every store we went by, one store wouldn't sell me beer because i was "too drunk" LOL. They said "happy birthday, but i can't sell you beer, you're wasted" LOL.
my life is a goddamn mess, i don't know what the fuck but today was undoubtedly the best day of my life.
-quit working out because i played a vicious game of bloody knuckles that made my hand swell up humongous (damn pride, ego and long island ice tea)
-confused as ever about the girl in whatever blog it is below
-took a very cute girls vcard
-got in a fight because of said girl
-lost 5ish lbs?
Most excitingly though, I decided to pick up poker again. I've been playing mostly hu 2 tabling trying to turn around my horrible PTR stats that are embarassing(-2k). I think im only down 750 or so now, score!
I hate my job and its literally the best job i could ever ask for locally. I think if i get 6 months of payments saved up from poker I'm gonna quit and play poker for a living again. Like a 5k br and 6 months of payments would be a pretty good padding and in 6 months if i fail then I go to school or something, not back to being a lowlife scrub with no degree.
First of all I want to publicly apologize to my staker. I promised him I would play huge volume for a month and make us a nice profit and I pretty much failed that in every way possible. I started the stake off playing at least 4k hands a day, making good money and everything seemed to be perfect. I started to lose money (like -10 buyins in EV) and took a day or two off and got called for a job interview at a local computer place. They literally hired me and I started working the day of my interview. They gave me a gym membership, I enrolled in college, started studying to get certs, i started eating healthy and started to pump some iron again (which feels great).
My life literally took a 180 and I hate poker for the most part anymore and if I didnt have to play, I didn't want to. I have structure in my life now, and that is something that I've never had. I know he is upset with how things worked out and it's no ones fault other than my own because he was great to work with.
I think I'm done playing poker as a "grinder" for now, and probably forever unless i just fail @ life and become a 5/10 live pro or win a big tournament, but that's pretty unlikely. I've fathomed the idea that when or if i fail in life to the point of chronic depression that I would just live in vegas and spend my 5/10 profits on cocaine/heroine and do that until i OD and die inhaling a line off of a hooker's ass. The game is so much harder than it was 4 years ago when I started this journey and I never accomplished anything to begin with so why stick around.
I guess the game is pretty well imbued into my system and I don't know how I could ever quit but the idea of competing against 5000 other nerds trying to do the same thing I am where I don't put in the effort to keep up and waiting for a spot that happens 1 in 3000 hands to turn an edge is fucking retarded. I seriously would not suggest anyone to get into poker in the current and future state that the game is going to be in. It's never going to get better... I feel pretty cheated because I'm self taught and now people can pay some faggot retard who ruined the game $30 a month and make my winrate be dispelled into nothing. I want all of the time I spent studying the statistics of everything and figuring formulas for fold equity and shit back. All the money i wasted playing 60/40 as a newb to increase my hand reading ability, everything. Fuck you carddrunners and everyone teaching random faggots and not people you care about how to win at poker. I hope you guys rot in hell with your $30 a month dues and people start not watching your videos anymore because you are now a losing player and no one wants to watch you play so you get fired and work at mcdonalds because you dropped out of college.
I've wanted to get that out for a while now. Honestly though, that's my life update and when my body starts to look like I used to I'll post some results. Also, I don't plan on disappearing if that's what you was hoping for I'm probably still going to play poker casually and I just love this community as much as it hates me and I don't feel the need to leave. I think i MIGHT play a $200 tournament this weekend @ the local casino. There will probably be around 200 people in it with a good structure and I just don't know that I can pass EV like that up. Also, fuck the girl in the blog below.
I haven't played anyyyyy poker for the past 4-5 days but i hope my staker can understand. Ive had such crazy mixed results and 10+bi then lose 10 buyin days. playing 40/30/9% 3bet @ nl50 deep/ante tables is ridiculous variance apparently. I'm up about $350 right now over 12k hands or so which isn't the best winrate ever . The last few days have absolutely been about nothing but me and this girl
She makes me feel happy in ways ive never felt before. She can make me forget all my other problems and Ive never been so detilted in a long time. ty life for the massive heater.
now i really need to play some serious sessions this week so it's time to head to the tables.
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