I come on here because I am desperate: Desperate for attention, desperate for connection, desperate for a change in mood. I get anxious, I feel empty, I am frantic for more experience. The list of things that work is really not that long and they may or may not end up working. I've got Aphex Twin going in really expensive headphones. It's really the best way to listen to him and I have the Steinberg UR12 Audio Interface where I can turn a knob to adjust the volume. That little of a detail makes me content. I also have my MXL990 mic hooked up so I can create music with ease. Material things do bring happiness. With the music and the cologne it really sets up a nice atmosphere for someone as lonely as me. I have found this rather queer behavior to make life a little bit more livable. I'm also in a really old sweatshirt and sweatpants. No casts on the feet. Peak relaxation.
It's nice to have these moments. To linger contemplatively. My whole city is shutdown from a "snowstorm." I am a sum of my actions. If I want a job I need to call on potential employers. I don't want a job. I need a job. It's a fact of life we need to consider income versus expenses. I am not an exception. Money problems can really make life hell. One thing that I have going for me is that I have been to hell and back. I wish it were not so but while leaving trauma it also toughened me up. Hell is not other people. Hell is being homeless in the winter with no health insurance and no psych meds.
Hey guys! Randomly decided to check out liquidpoker again after all these years, reading kets old blogpost from a couple of years past made me really nostalgic. This community was such a huge part of my life during my formative years and man the years have gone by.
Im an MD now, internal medicine. Going for a double in cardiology which will be finished in about a year. Got two kids, going for a third. Really enjoying life and my profession. Life is intense but in loving it. Practicing medicine is alot like poker in some ways. Cultivating a proper instinct and constantly revising. Improving, honing it.
Still miss the old days of gambling sometimes. Been checking out some poker content on youtube lately and realizing i was never really any good at this game I got in at the right time and also got out just in time i think. So cool seeing some of you guys still going at it.
The poker years where something special. I have so many fond memories of so many of you, both from online, live events and vegas. Too many ppl to mention, theres a swedish saying ”ingen nämnd ingen glömd” which translates to ”nobody mentioned, nobody forgotten”
I hope some of you still lurk here and pops in to say hi
The New Year and no one is here. Probably a good thing right?
The New Year is ripe for a fresh start eh?
New year, new day, new moment!
And I am here typing up a blog on a dead ass website but I want to chill out a little bit and listen to music.
I'm finally home. I can get cleaned up a bit and GET AFTER IT in the gym! Do some deadlifts, some Bulgarian Split Squats, and go heavy on some back extensions. Get stronger and more athletic. Life doesn't end at 40!
I read a stat the other day that among Gen Z males, suicide is up 40%. Among Gen Z females it is up 56%. I can feel it. I try not to feel it so much for my own mental health but the truth shall set you free. Why are so many people committing suicide these days, how can I avoid it myself and how can I potentially help others?
I guess that is a potentially dark start. It's so crazy how all of us specs are just floating around existing. I am at my brother's house with my parents helping out with babysitting. I'll probably crash before midnight. I don't know if that is depressing or not. I'm reading a good book (Sentimental Education by Flaubert). I'm safe, I'm healthy, I'm not feeling that bad really. NYE is amateur night out in da club. I don't want to be around a bunch of belligerent drunks. So, per usual I am empty, alone, and listening to Andy Stott.
That's the thing about hedonic adaptation. Most people would probably say my life sucks. Especially, this underlying concern about money but I don't know it's not that bad. Constantly being tortured would be worse. There are a number of things that would make my life better. Hedonic adaptation and entrenched habit and I am ok but it also keeps me from getting better. How much better would I get? What is the word like marginal gains? What if it is really difficult to just get a little bit of improvement?
I don't need Rick Owens clothing. I don't need a lot of material anything.
Exercise - check
Connection - oops
Meditation - sometimes
It would obviously be better to have a consistent meditation practice.
Gratitude - sometimes
Sleep - I typically sleep pretty well
That is the foundation of "happiness" even though I don't like that word.
I know connection is important but I am too broke to have friends at this point. It's not so bad up North where I can spend time with my siblings, etc. but down South all I have is my parents and that is not healthy. So, it always comes back to being broke. Get a job you bum! And that's basically it.
A job in these happiness scenarios is just assumed or a job that isn't too bad which may be more difficult to acheive than most people think. The quest for bread. It afflicts all the disinherited.
I think I'm just feeling a little antsy. Spending too much time with family can wear on anybody. Close quarters. There is no where for me to go except for the gym and I took a day off today. We need distractions and I need free or extraordinarily cheap activities.
I'm not really sure what I am going to get into tonight. That means in general about what I am going to do tonight before I go to sleep and in the more specific as in what this blog is going to be about.
I went to a Christmas concert tonight that was pretty good. It was a string quintet playing all sorts of songs like Vivaldi - Winter and Bach to old school Christmas songs and even some Mariah Carey. It was something to do on a Saturday night.
I have to get my tits going good so I can wear ridiculous deep v t-shirts showing them off. Such ridiculous v-neck t-shirts that you show the upper abs off too. Women should let their tits out. Men should let their tits out too. Tomorrow is Chest/Triceps day is why I bring it up. I don't think I'm quite at the right volume or frequency yet optimization wise but I did do a side chest pose and most muscular pose when I was pumped up and it looked pretty good. So good I was turned on and masturbated to myself flexing in the mirror right then and there.
After that I was exhausted so I played some World of Warcraft Classic (WoW C). I feel like I am really coming a long way with my life as I level this character up. I am seeing personal growth in new depths and dimensions than I could have ever imagined. Running around smacking stuff over and over and over again.
I need some new reading too. I'm not sure what I'll go with but I am sure I'll find something. I feel like I need to read some Jane Austen or something like that. I have been reading these Huysmans and Bret Easton Ellis it's all about torture and murder. While brilliant and I am happy I read them I'd like to read something that doesn't have torture and murder. I've had enough of it and quite frankly I don't think anyone could do it better than Huysmans and Bret Easton Ellis. I was reading these short stories by David Foster Wallace (DFW) and he had one just today about torture, rape, and murder. It was actually pretty good but not as good as Huysmans or Brett Easton Ellis. So, I am all out of books and I am not quite sure where to go from here.
Oh well, I guess I can start looking for a new book. Any suggestions always welcome.
I cant remember where I left off but I quit my stockboy job at the clothing store in favor of a car sales job to improve my earnings potential. I had visions of wearing plaid pants while smoking a cigar telling people "aint she a beaut!" wondering if I would be able to look myself in the mirror every night after ripping customers off and selling them that TrueCoat protectant. Turns out it really hasnt been that at all. It has pretty much just been product knowledge, building rapport and hoping they like me enough to just buy the car since ya know they came here for a reason.
However my results so far have been dismal. First month I sold 3 cars. Then 4, then 6, and last month I sold 10. So I'm proud of the upward trend but being 100% commission based this isnt exactly sustainable. In fact most people have said they'll fire your ass if you arent selling 16 cars within 3 months, so why have I been spared? Turns out I'm a pretty likable guy I guess. For some reason they see potential in me and keep giving me 2nd shots.
Personally I think my biggest hurdle hasnt so much been selling cars but rather being exploited.... by my own goddamn coworkers. You see part of being a likable person is being agreeable, you know a "nice guy". Not the incel kind who hates women, but just extremely customer service oriented. My IT background has baked this into me. I am always willing to help and automatically say yes to anything anyone asks. My coworkers have picked up on this and it has become a running joke that they can just sweep their deplorables my way to free up their own schedules for legitimate buying customers. So I get all the morons, the broke degens, the tire kickers and other jackasses who strangely visit car dealerships just to pretend to buy a car with no intention of moving forward.
In fact every sale I do make is a direct result of me sourcing my own leads. And EVEN THEN I still get screwed because some coworkers will find ways to steal my deals. They'll deliberately engage with the customer behind my back so that they establish an audit trail that acts as 'proof' they deserve half the deal. They'll pretend they didnt know it was my customer but "it's too late now" because they've done so much work with them not to be credited. Or they'll try to gain retroactive credit by using an orphaned client that they failed to sell a month ago but that I managed to pull through when the customer actually came back and act like it belongs to them as some sort of deep origin story. These are all just examples of the cutthroat side of the industry that I didnt know existed internally.
Anyway since my earnings have been so poor my living situation isnt much improved. I currently stay in a roach motel in the ghetto. Lots of weirdos around, obvious drug addicts, cops have showed up a few times, fights and yelling in the parking lot, etc. Surprisingly it’s very quiet late at night though so I’m having no problem sleeping. I definitely got supremely lucky on the unit # I’m staying in away from the crowded areas. Climate control works well and I have plenty of hot water to take a shower so all of my needs are met. Sure it smells musty like cigarettes and safety will always be a concern but so far so good. The dilapidated appearance of everything makes living here somewhat depressing but I just try to keep chanting to myself “it’s only temporary, it’s only temporary”.
Thing is my earnings has some serious potential here. Several coworkers have shown me their paystubs as people are rather open about it here. 7k months are considered standard. Couple of guys routinely pull in 10. I have been shown end of year W2’s from 98k to 157k, all just selling cars. They have bluntly told me “your desk is worth $100,000”. If I can reliably make that kind of money I think I’d give up poker for good since it’s certainly better than I ever made as a helpdesk tech. The sales managers (my direct supervisors) make about 20k/month along with the finance guys. The GM of the store has a base salary of 500k/year + 2% of all sales, so probably over 1MM. The people that work here are certainly an interesting bunch; at minimum they seem unhirable in any other industry. I cant imagine any of them wearing suits, working in coporate america, generally getting along with anyone about anything without being a complete dick and facing termination by the end of the week. They all gravitated towards this industry because it was a natural fit and a culture that tolerates them if not downright encourages their behavior. I’ve had so many deals locked up that I had to punt because my managers wanted me to squeeze the customer with extreme lowballs on their trade or refusing to budge over trivial amounts of money to the point they got offended and just left. But I guess they are going for max EV so the risk is worth it if the customer caves and takes the offer. To be fair sales would obviously be easy if I just gave everyone what they wanted.
So with that being said my earning so far isnt really giving me any room to get back into poker. I mean I might be able to bring like 1 or 2 fucking bullets tops if I want to play deep, or just chop it up into 8 or 9 minbuys and try to build with that. But if things dont change soon the only logical move will be to get back into IT with consistent and meaninful pay, something I should have obviously done long ago.
I am almost 40 now and reached basically most of my life goals.
I finished university
I have a beautiful wife
a cool 9 year old stepson
a good paying job as software developer (3,4k month after tax)
i am still doing lots of sports.
The times here at Liquidpoker 12-14 years ago were wild and in retrospective i can say that the reason i have a good life now is
that i stopped chasing fast success
that i stopped trying to be special
that i stopped believing i am somehow making it happen because i am the choosen...
What finally gave me success is getting down to earth and accepting that if you want money , girls and a good life
you have to do it the same boring way everybody else does.
1.) choose a job that pays well
2.) go to university and work your ass off to become an expert in that field
3.) graduate and get hired by a software company
it just works.
99.9 % of people will not become rockstars , poker millionairs , Superstar Athletes or whatever.
Grubby defeated 'OneTime' in Orc (OneTime) vs. Night Elf (Grubby-theorized) while OneTime was participating in a Warcraft III: Frozen Throne event in China. The game was played on Lost Temple. This game took place in 2008 before the Beijing Olympics. The game was Orc @ 3 o'clock vs. Night Elf @ 6 o'clock. Abusing a fast expansion, the Night Elf player won the game with Bear Druids.
This game inspired the famous Death Note controversy:
Contact Users: 511 Active, 0 Logged in - Time: 14:07
I got in at the right time and also got out just in time i think. So cool seeing some of you guys still going at it.
