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Noah Levine, a "guru" in the avenues of meditation (Against the Stream), and recovery and Buddhism (for profit Refuge Recovery treatment center and not-for-profit Refuge Recovery) is alleged to have engaged in sexual misconduct with 7 to 10 women as well as sleeping with a married woman, sleeping with students, and misusing company funds for personal use in an "extravagant" and "out of touch" manner. Article here

Makes me feel a little bit better about my caffeine addiction, eating ice cream at lunch, and then being bored so jerking off and taking a nap today and now writing a blog... The answers are definitely in the Dharma and not Bumble. It is the Buddha's teachings that we should be following and not Noah Levine although he was a trusted spiritual teacher to many and I feel for them. I mostly feel for the women abused/harassed. Most of my friends are in Refuge Recovery so it will be interesting to see what happens. I don't see why it couldn't be improved. Buddha should be the icon of Refuge Recovery not Noah Levine.


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Anonymous (2011) - I give an in-depth review, complete with character breakdowns, and plot spoilers (for those unconvinced about watching period dramas like myself) 8/10 this is some good shit bros.
https://foundaz.com/2018/06/10/anonymous-2011/ - link-trailer-review-spoiler-info

https://foundaz.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/anonymous.jpg


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First, I would like to document the difference meditation has made in my life. It is a training of the mind. Quite possibly the most important training one can undertake.

Reflections on Death:

All who are born will die. It is miraculous I woke up this morning in good health! The fact that I may die at any moment means I should be living life without laziness or procrastination. There is only the Dharma.

Reflections on Impermanence:

Nothing is permanent or stable. I repeat nothing is permanent or stable. As much as we like to delude ourselves and cling and grasp nothing is permanent or stable. There is only the Dharma.

I took a walk on the beach last night as the sun was setting. The water was very choppy and chaotic. It reminded me of my thoughts when I first sit for meditation. An airplane flew over. From that perspective the ocean is vast like the starry sky. Even the most choppy of waves have an inception and a dissolving. It was appropriate that when I was nearly finished for my walk at the inlet the waves are much calmer and almost non-existent. They appear and dissolve rather quickly or don't show up on the radar whatsoever.


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So it's time. Looking to relocate to a new poker spot. Quick recap, moved in with that girl, things were ok in the beginning but it has run its course. I actually feel kinda bad now because she's madly in love with me and I dont really feel anything for her at all. Then again I think she may be confusing love with loneliness and she's just looking for someone to settle down with, frequently commenting on how she doesnt want to die alone etc. Believe me I can appreciate that, but I just dont feel anything for her anymore.

Anyway the online poker thing failed, I lost my 3k as quickly as I won it, in no small part due to playing zoom poker. It was great getting paid off by anonymous donks on ignition with inexplicably bad hands, but it's also easy to run KK into AA and get felted by every slowplayed set 10 times in a row. I've been driving for Uber/Lyft in the meantime to make ends meet. Back to live it is, but not in jax!

One of the biggest gripes I ever had about playing in jacksonville FL, in fact the only gripe I had, was the shortstackers. This is pretty common for live but goddamn it's so frustrating, especially when you show up for the waiting list just to get put on a new table with nothing but $100 minbuys at a 2/5 game. And then when they win a big pot they take their $300 and sit in the 5/10 PLO game upstairs. It became such an issue the card room finally bumped the minimum buyin up to 40BB, which helps I suppose, but still a far cry from playing the more enjoyable full stacked poker. The game selection was also always a tiny bit limited, usually 5 tables of 2/5 running, mix of regs, recs, and a few tourists. But lets get real, jax is not a tourist town so you're never really getting these out of towner whales unless there's a huge BBJ running or tournament in town.

So doing my due diligence it seems as though a few new spots opened up for consideration; Tampa, Washington DC, and Houston. So lets do a little pros & cons breakdown.

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Tampa pros: best weather, best city, best social life, best quality of living, best women, casino opened 24/7

Tampa cons: single casino, 40BB buyins, possibly reg infested, semi-touristy town.

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DC pros: 2 casinos, Maryland Live which is renowned among the region with very juicy games, brand new MGM right next to airport/city center attracting all of the fancy businessmen, tons of tourism.

DC cons: terrible weather, terrible social life, terrible standard of living, very expensive, major female:male defecit.

************************************************************

Houston pros: legal homegames, numerous recently established card rooms that operate on the home game principal, all play extremely deep, TIME RAKE TIME RAKE TIME RAKE TIME RAKE!!!, decent female population, good standard of living

Houston cons: meh weather, meh social life (???), games might run too big, possibly nothing but regs/locals

************************************************************

Now before we go any further lets take a look at that big fat bold in the houston category. Because gambling is illegal in texas no game can take a rake. However homegames for real money are completely legal so long as the house doesnt get a cut, and you can literally find dozens of nightly games running all over the city from a simple google search. I've been there and done it and they are legit. Some enterprising minds decided to take the next step and open up full fledged card rooms under the homegame principle. This has drew the ire of city officials and nobody knows if it's all going to get shut down or not, but for now these rooms look like mini casinos. They are lavish, well apointed, fully staffed, professional dealers, hot waitresses, full bar, full menu, real food, lounge, tv's, very nice seating, etc. A couple of the rooms themselves look absolutely stunning. They circumvent the system via standard time rake/membership deal. $15 door fee + $15/hr seat.

Everything I have read about the houston games says that while they advertise them as 1/3 games, the max buyin is 300BB's or up to the big stack. 10-15k on the table is very common and with opening raises between $20-$50 and even legendary $100 opens from tilted whales late at night the games have been rumored to be this hidden hush hush poker oasis. Saw a pic of Sammy Farha one night and some instagram pros winning 14k pots with their bragworthy "2.5k buyin 22k cashout" chip porn posts. The time tokens cannot be paid from your stack, so all the money stays on the table! They have memberships to ease the daily door fee's but the $15/hr stays. Considering almost any casino is usually taking $7 per hand in rake then the time structure seems like an obvious win.

Concerns? Well, these games may be a bit *too* deep for me. Some of them turn into 1/3/5/10/25 degen fests and if they all entirely revolve around the local elites then I'll just never be able to get in. However I wont really know until I go there since nobody is expressly talking about it. You can even call the rooms and the hostess will brag over the phone about how their 1/3 game is playing like a 5/10 to entice you to come over.

Thoughts?



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https://foundaz.com/2018/07/29/kon-tiki-2012/ - Trailer-Info-Cast
https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/M...0OA@@._V1_UY268_CR3,0,182,268_AL_.jpg
I watched this last night before going to bed and was quite entertained. Nothing really amazing about the movie apart from it being based on real events about some crazy Nord trying to prove that Latin Americans were the ones who populate Polynesia 1,500 years ago by sailing on balsa rafts 5000 miles through treacherous, shark-filled oceans. EVERYBODY LOVES SHARKS AND ITS NOT A DEPRESSING MOVIE SO JUST GO AND WATCH IT.


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Here are two foreign gems around 7/10 each in my opinion, maybe more depending on your tolerance for crime dramas.Happy watching guys.

In Order Of Disappearance (2014) Norwegian with ENG subs
trailer info review cast - https://foundaz.com/2018/07/26/in-order-of-disappearance-2014/
https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/umz...fRtMeieGWRPJPAgQsF6JHOc56Z1gibmb8=s85

The Major (2013) Russian with ENG subs
trailer info review cast - https://foundaz.com/2018/07/27/the-major-2013/
https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/7jJ...iucYlcBUF8k09XIJuJFyaGUt-kyeZdC6U=s85




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Ghost Stories Trailer,cast,info and review below
https://foundaz.com/2018/06/21/ghost-stories-2018/
Good old-fashioned mystery/horror that doesn't rely on cheap scares. Martin Freeman is here. 7/10
http://static.metacritic.com/images/p...55a0f4350fb87e6e55b3c9ad88d3-250h.jpg


A Prayer Before Dawn Trailer,cast,info and review below
https://foundaz.com/2018/06/06/a-prayer-before-dawn-2018/
Solid biopic of Billy Moore, a foreigner in a Thai prison. It's the dude from "The Peaky Blinders" series and he's great in this. It's not your typical prison movie, as it has got lots of other good elements to it.
https://buzz.tt/media/movies/2106/2106_250.jpg


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I'm looking to book some sort of nofap challenge. Doesn't have to be for much and I'm ok with just competing vs myself and maybe if I lose I do something for charity.


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Selfie time. *click click click*

I've got too many thoughts on my mind I have to get rid of them.

First, an lp'er sent me this video:

+ Show Spoiler +

It has gotten under my skin. I am still not sure what it means yet. I have thought about it all day. I was born, I grew up, I have to work, maybe I get some true leisure time in there and then I die. I can die at any moment. But, what is work? What is a paycheck? If nothing is actually real. It feels like I need to eat food and it feels like I need to have shelter. That's not really a meaning as much as it is a need. It almost seems like there is not even a lot of wisdom in it. It just is. I still don't know how I feel about this unrealness. This unrealness that science and philosophy reasons. But, apparently there is no reason, no meaning, and nothing is real. Then how can I be typing at my keyboard and other people can understand or not. This meaning of words again is an illusion. But, what if I want to live in this illusion? What is the benefit or disbenefit? It doesn't seem to matter. Nothing seems to matter. I am supposedly already whole. I can understand that. There are no puzzle pieces to uncover, there is nothing to find. I can get that. It just goes against everything I have been taught my entire life. What do you do if you are living in a dream and find out that nothing is real? How do you live that life?

German

I guess one thing I do is re-learn German. I don't even know what the end is I am just doing it for the sake of doing it. I guess my dream is to go to Berlin, read Byung-Chul Han, Nietzsche, Heidegger, Hegel, Kant, Kafka in there native language, and attend the University of the Arts (in Berlin). Those seem like big aspirations and I don't even know if it's possible. With enough help from Eros it is possible. I really don't particularly like frantic, hectic, work and I need some sort of out. I am already becoming a self-exploiting achievement-subject and I need to be careful.

Work

I think I am learning how to get into hectic rush mode, how to transition into break mode, and how to transition fully into sovereign leisure mode. It's almost not even possible on back to back days of work as that night or that next morning is hard to escape work and move into a sovereign leisure state. I need a solid day off or two to get back to my natural state of adante. A state of slow moving and passionate living. This hectic, always productive, always optimizing work is not natural. I would be lying if I said that it pleases me. There is a certain art and skill and a flow state to making pizzas and some of the interaction with the Other are pleasant but of course I wouldn't subject myself to it if I didn't have to eat food and want to sleep within a temperature modified dwelling. Wage slavery. I am renting my labor out in return for Geld. There is always that wonder if there is a better place for me. I really don't know. Ich bin möde. Ich habe keine Ahnung. Ich komme aus Müdigkeitgeselschaft.

Like, really how to we manage work? My dad was saying he loved that his work was something new every day and that he could work long hours because he enjoyed it. That feels like an illusion to me. The illusion of freedom that Han talks about but maybe it isn't. My current job has all the danger signs for burnout for me. How much production is enough? How much optimization is enough? I am already beating myself up over it and there will be a day that the sameness hits. This is all part of the self-exploitation. The nervousness and the anxiety. I wish I could turn it off but I can't. It feels that I have to seek something and I don't know how I turn that off either.

So, that is where I am at. I am trying to figure out what non-duality means. What it means in regards to my life and living this life. In relation to everything else I thought I found out about this life and continue to find out about this life.


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what was your finest hour?


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Great acting and production. 6.5/10
Good pace, cinematography great.
https://foundaz.com/2018/06/12/calibre-2018/ -trailer-info-cast
https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/M...zOTg@._V1_UX182_CR0,0,182,268_AL_.jpg


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I am typically always skeptical of the consensus. I am peculiar and individual but not quite Individual, not yet a person. However, I am undeniably me. I am an outsider. I appreciate my solitude and quiet. I am a flower open to light. These qualities will always be at odds with certain people and at odds with the Neoliberal way of life.

The problem with corporations is they are constantly seducing me into becoming a self-exploiting achievement-subject. I almost have to become one to do my job. I hear a whisper of 95% is not good enough. Another whisper that we have to be at 110% for our customers. We can be, we should be customer obsessed. We can this, we can that turns into we should, we should, we should. They want us fulfilled and pleased with benefits (so we become "empowered" to make the company more profitable at the expense of ourselves). *Sigh*

I'm caught writing a blog again too. *Sigh*

Where are my friends in this equation? My community?

I wish to study Philosophy and Cultural Studies at the University of Arts (in Berlin). Undergrad is free there (and perhaps graduate school) but my German is very rusty. That would be a joy in itself to improve my German. It is a wish to read Nietszche and Kafka in German. So, what would I need? I would need a plane ticket, a place to stay, food, health insurance, money for books, etc. I am unsure how I would go about procuring a loan for that.

This form of communication is so fucked and I am likely only fucking myself imbibing. It was out of compulsion more than anything. Even though it felt like I could type myself free there is no real freedom there. The thing is I will appreciate a dialogue and discussion that is also kind of fucked. Lacking any gaze or voice it is still the opinion of the Other. I still think it's better than Facebook and Twitter. I like and dislike the idea of all the impassive ghosts floating through viewing my blog and not filling up the white space with words and sentences. Hopefully, I won't go hyper this time around and fill up that space myself. I've always been just a guy trying to live life.


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I was doing some thinking. Perhaps many of you are on the right track. It does seem a little ridiculous to share every last feeling on this small, niche website. I think about sharing value but I am unsure if there is any value to share. The obvious would be poker wisdom but I am sure the game has mostly passed me up. Someone could just read Barry Greenstein's "Ace on the River" or more wisely do a ton of work with the solvers. I don't know how I feel really about giving poker suggestions anyways. It is a pretty cool strategy game and a means to be more autonomous. Not a bad way to make a living but I believe it is romanticized in many regards. I don't know. I am just a part-time grocery store worker barely covering the most humble of expenses.... I shouldn't use that phrase as there are others on even lower expenses than me. The point is I don't consume a whole lot. I am perhaps more peaceful and content than I've ever been. It's a bit different. When I am on a speed boat flying across the ocean to go to a beach party in Malta and everyone is drunk and high and coked up that is a different feeling. Maybe I miss that wild and free feeling but it doesn't matter. I have to live a different life these days.

It is a bit mad to think I was posting vomit on here every day or every few days. Maybe this is vomit too. I need to find coping mechanisms that don't include THAT. I do get bored though. I do like to engage in different discussions on here. I am not sure if there is enough inspiring content on here anymore.

I was thinking about doing an AMA but I don't know if we have enough people or if anyone would be interested in that.

I sometimes get bored without content on LP is all. "Handmaid's Tale" and "Infinite Jest" only get me so far some days.

Oh well, I think it's about time I eat chips and salsa for lunch. The salsa is so good that's all I want to eat.


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