Anyone have experiences with it? Thinking of trying it. On one hand, studies have shown that there's potential in using it to treat depression and anxiety. The former has been an on and off struggle for me. On the other hand, there seems to be a small risk in lasting negative effects, and can be especially dangerous to people who are genetically at risk of schizophrenia (which may be me). Girlfriend wants to try it for woowoo reasons. And I'm curious if it will help me and on the fence. Thoughts?
Other news, I quit poker, launched web dev business and hussling every day of the week to make it happen. Networking my brains off, calling, selling, pitching and exhibiting. It's tough.
She suggested we meet at a movie trivia event at a bar. I drove 45min to see her. A friend told me to back out and to re-schedule. He said it would be too difficult to not only entertain her, but to socialize and be 'on' for everyone else there as well. And my date texted me the morning before that she wants to go as friends first, then see how it goes. I sent her a cocky reply and chose to go anyways, because I need the practice.
I get there and she greets me with a big hug, so far it's already going better than my last date. We have a drink at the bar before registering for the movie trivia. The organizer paired us in a group with two others. The trivia was boring as hell, and I don't think I contributed one answer. I know movies, but not the kind of movies that they based the questions on. So her and I are chatting between the questions and she's very touchy, touching my arm and shoulder a lot when talking. But she's also doing it do the guy next to me when talking to him! Things weren't going good. The trivia was so boring and I couldn't make much a move.
When the trivia ended the organizer DJ'd music and there was a dimly lit dance floor with disco lights. Only then we realize that it's a singles event-- she and I had no idea until then. I decide I that I need to make a bold move quick or else it's GG NO RE like my last date (Lemon's and Drone's advice enter my mind). I ask her to dance. I never dance in public, only in my kitchen. She agrees, but also the other girl with us decides to tag along.
So I'm there on the dance floor with my date in my left hand, and this other girl in my right hand; dancing with two beautiful women to 80s music. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, but it seems all those years of practice of dancing the kitchen payed off! I only have 2 beers in me, but I'm letting loose, moving my legs and arms, swaying side to side and spinning these two women in my arms.
After a while the three of us walk back to the table area to meet up with our 4th group member (a nice guy who didn't want to dance). And everyone's lost as what to do next. I suggest we play pool, but all the tables are busy. I take lead and walk around at every pool table asking if anyone's on their last game, and end up finding a table for us. Wow. I don't know what got into me tonight, usually I'm quite passive, but tonight I'm Captain fucking Picard.
During our 2 v 2 game of pool my date ends up setting up the lone guy in our group with a nearby single girl. So now it's the three of us. My date asked the girl who was with us if there were any nearby men that she found attractive. She pointed to someone who ends up approaching her anyways. I whispered to the guy's friend that this girl was interested in his friend, which ensured another set up. My date and I look at each other with a grin on our faces. I call her cupid, and she makes a joke that these single events should be hiring us to set people up!
I pull her hand and walk her to the dance floor. The music is getting better and we're dancing our asses off for hours, and taking water breaks in between (she doesn't drink). We're dancing hand in hand, then I'm holding her hips. And I go for the kiss. She has the biggest smile on her face all throughout dancing with me. A kiss turns into making out. In an effort in continuing to be bold I whisper in her ear and suggest we go to her place. She tells me that she wants it to happen when I'm completely sober. I state that my ex never wanted to dance, and she whispers in my ear that "we can do all the things that my ex never wanted to do".
At this point my calves and back are aching and we're both sweaty. I walk her to the back of the bar. We finally have the chance to talk. Conversation about everything, childhood, work, stories etc. I learn that she lives a very cool and active life of playing sports, doing krav maga, skiing, traveling, talks at business events, does business coaching. She's a business coach and public speaker, a very successful one at that. Very impressive woman. She's significantly older than me, but gorgeous and has the body of a 20 year old, judging by the photos of her that she showed me on her phone. She talks to me about what she wants from a relationship and I do the same. I asked her if she wants friends with benefits, and she responded "I'm looking for friends with lots and lots of benefits, but also something that lasts and with exclusivity".
We walk out together and into her car. She drives me across the street to mine. We kiss and kiss some more and our hands wander. I suggested a nightcap at her place once again. She tells me she wants to, she really wants to, but that she wants to make sure this lasts and doesn't want to risk it ending at a one night stand. She tells me next time. She tells me that it was her best first date ever and that it was like a dream. We talked about the things we want to do next time, then parted ways.
I didn't get laid, but I had a ton of fun and will be seeing her again next weekend. It's morning and my calves and back are so sore from dancing. Best night for me in a long time and it's all because I decided to show up and asked her to dance.
Near end of the date I ask her if she's doing anything afterwards. She says no. Then she asks me if I like Netflix (while playing with her hair)... when she told me earlier she lives nearby..
And I respond: "Yea I watch it sometimes. What kind of movies do you like?"
......
essentially blueballed her and myself. texted her 1hr after date, no reply. gg
we planned the date 1 week ahead and she dressed up nice for it. gg no re
A few years ago I quit poker to enroll in a full-time 2 year web development program. I had to suck up a lot of pride to go back to college in my late 20s. The college then offered me a co-op, and my hopes for breaking into the web field was high. But once my time ended there I found myself back at the poker tables, again - this time live poker. It's easier to grind live poker than it is to hustle my way through an entry level position in an expensive city. Most of last year I played live with success, then I dedicated a few months to online until I realized that I no longer have the necessary skills to make a good living off it. To be honest, I never studied hard enough and I never put enough hours in. It's no wonder I failed. I forgot about the crippling loneliness and isolation of playing online poker, which made the challenge more difficult for me.
In hindsight, I should have stuck to live poker - I would have had more money. But live poker is excruciating boring and the variance is wild. The reason I keep coming back to poker is that it offers me FREEDOM, and there's a lot less freedom in live poker. I was basically grinding at the casino from 9 to 5. I might as well get a job that offers me more opportunity, growth, and freedom in the coming years.
So what do I do from here?..
Its been a year and a half since I did web development work, so I forgot a lot of the things I learned. And it doesn't help that it's a field that is constantly changing. So I have a lot to learn before I'm employable. I'm considering enrolling in a 'coding bootcamp'. The cost is 10k CAD, its full-time, lasts 3 months, and they help you get an entry level position. If I choose to do it I'll have to slum it in Toronto, because it's one hell of an expensive city to live in, and I won't be earning money during the program. Hell, I'll have to slum it even when I do earn money. The starting salary will be ~45-65k, which is dirt in Toronto. The cost alone for a 1 bedroom apartment is $1800 minimum in a decent location. The good news is that as long as I stay motivated my salary should rapidly increase over the years, but I have a long way to go until then.
The way I see it I have no other option. Sure, I'm able to go to university and work on a 4 year degree, but I'm not willing to spend 4 years living with roommates and eating ramen noodles.. No, I need money. I'll continue playing live for a month or two, then I'll likely enroll in the bootcamp program. The thought of living in a new city and the fact that I never worked a full time job in my life is causing me a lot of stress and anxiety. A few months ago I wrote somewhere on this site that "I would rather die than fail" (fail at poker). Apparently my instinct to survive is stronger than my false pride.
I never played too much live in the past, but lately I've been starting to get into it. There's always a huge waiting list during weekend nights with a ~3hr wait. I usually call in advance, but still end up waiting a long time after arriving. There are always certain regulars who manage to bypass the waiting list. Is it likely that these people are bribing the floor staff? Or is it more likely that they're just friendly with the staff? I thought of slipping the staff $20, but I wouldn't want them to expect it every time if I could get through by simply becoming a familiar face.
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