Ben's Poker

Well, I never thought I'd have to do this, but due to a myriad of circumstances I am very low on disposable funds right now and find myself having to cash out the last of my online BR to make ends meet.

But let's just cut the shit and let me get to the point.

I'd like a stake. I'd preferably like a stake for 100NL, although 50NL would be okay as well.

I'm open to almost any terms that the staker would like to offer. The ideal setup would be, say, 2500 for 100NL and I'd pay back chunks of 500 for every 500 I make past a 3k BR until I've paid you off for 3750?. I'm not sure on the intimacies of staking as I've never really had to deal with it before.

To prevent any chance of degeneracy, I will be able to provide HH and graph / db for every single dollar I win or lose. If I play outside of 100NL for any reason any money I lose would go directly to you in addition to the original agreement.

I do not have an insane amount of posts on LP, but I have been around for a while and played with quite a few of you at one time or another. I am sure those that know me or have played with me know that I am a solid, profitable player, especially at 100NL and I'm sure that I would be a good investment.

I do not have many hands since I had to reformat recently and because I simply don't play a whole hell of a lot of hands / week, but I will post all of my relevant DB here, with no stats blocked of course.



Please, if you are interested contact me via PM with any questions and we can work out the details.

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Well, although I'm definitely not proud of my blow-up at 200NL + a few weeks ago, I think in the end it will turn out to be a good thing.

The biggest lesson is not to play 200NL until well over 5k. I think I am good enough to beat it; however, I believe I still lack the discipline.

Writing out the long blog post I did (you should check it out) before this one helped my game tremendously. I did something I haven't done before.. I sat down and really truly analyzed everything about my game and my life regarding poker, and was able to get a clearer view than previously and make some changes that were very good.

I cashed out down to 1k$, and when it hits my bank account I'm going to treat myself to a 360 for GTAIV, GH3, and Soul Calibur IV, as well as paying off some debt. This feels good. Often it seems like my online BR is just points in a video game, and when I cash out and realize that despite the blow-up, I made a LOT of money playing a game for fun, it's a good feeling.

Poker-wise I think my HU game has improved even more. I don't feel like I'm -EV against anybody at 100NL or 200NL HU (although I can't really play 200NL HU anymore, I've played probably 30k hands on it and very comfortable with my game at that level). Lately I've just been crushing the HU games.

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Sorry to spam with many blog posts.

This one is probably the most important one I've ever written so if you could read it and give me feedback I would greatly appreciate it.

So I'm sitting here with my Budweiser and my Poore Brother's Jalapeno chips (which are so delicious), trying to internalize the fall from grace I've had over the last week. I really rode the roller coaster from playing my absolute A game and moving up to a limit I had been dreaming of reaching for a long time to degenerate tilting of all of that hard work. I lost two entire month's pay at my job (~5k) within a week, playing the game I love. I don't care to share PT graph / stats because what's the point?

Right now I've got to focus on what I've learned from this, and what I can take out of it. I need to analyze and amalgamate my lessons and experiences into further honing my game and preventing this in the future. I'd like to do some of that here in the open air of my LP blog.

On the way up the roller coaster, I learned some very important things, and applied them towards success. They included the following:

1) Playing on your schedule, on your time, and quitting whenever necessary, pays off.
2) Playing with a safe bankroll, at a limit you are comfortable with, greatly increases your confidence and your resistance to tilt.
3) Keeping yourself disciplined is something to be proud of, and it really does work.
4) I can beat 200NL. I definitely wasn't crushing it, but I felt like it was the perfect level for me and I feel while I was not someone to avoid, I was not a fish at the tables. I'm sure some LPers would say the contrary, but I believe this to be true 100%. And it is a good thing, because it gives me confidence that eventually I will be playing and beating the higher stakes games. I have no doubt in my intelligence or ability.

And on the way down I learned some very important things as well:

1) No matter how well you are doing, or how big your bankroll seems, things can come crashing down upon you much more quickly than you think.
2) I am 100% responsible for all my losses. This was not a result of running bad. This was not getting coolered multiple times over and over and over again. This was me, losing emotional control, losing mental control, and I am the only one to blame.
3) I am not nearly as disciplined as I thought I was.
4) I must crush the degenerate within me if I am ever going to succeed in this game.

I just spent the last hour or two having a very good discussion with a 200NL player I met who happens to live just a few miles away. I went through everything in my game and what I think all of my problems are that are keeping me from succeeding, and it definitely helped to be self-analytical to a total stranger. He was also able to give me some very helpful tips to improve my mental and emotional control. One major thing I took away from it is that having people to discuss hands with is invaluable, and to be able to talk with people that actually understand what's going on is invaluable as well.

I've identified some major leaks within my game that I am going to try to address. They are as follows:

1) Lack of Patience. I am very impatient. Sometimes I forget that poker is dealing with actual money, and feel almost as if it's a video game. I'm just trying to increase my score to get to the next level and get better at the game. I have spent way too much time pipe dreaming about moving up to new stakes.

What I need to do is shift my focus from increasing my BR and moving up stakes to beating my current level as efficiently and completely as possible. Even when I'm playing 50NL, I need to not be focusing on reaching a certain level so I can play 100NL, but on beating 50NL at the best rate possible, and playing perfect poker. I experienced a little bit of what this could be like at 200NL, and I feel that in the 20k hands or so that I played there, my 6max game vastly improved.

2) Lack of Discipline. This is tied into patience but is important in it's own right. As is obvious to anyone following my fall from grace, lack of discipline has completely and utterly destroyed me. I broke all of the rules that put me where I was and as it was, they were the floor that supported me and when disregarded, naturally I fell. The problem is that this is not the first time I have broken the rules. There have been countless small fudges, gambling when drunk, etc, that have not turned out poorly. In fact, some of my great BR boosts were when I broke the rules. But the thing is, the rules exist for a reason.

I created the rules and principles for myself because they are what I believe will make me a successful winning player. They have proven themselves with the self-explaining fact that when followed, I made money, and when disregarded, I lost large amounts of it.

3) Lack of Regularity. Between working 40 hours a week and having a serious relationship with my girlfriend, I really don't have much time for poker. Often I found myself trying to squeeze in a session when I had time, or putting things off so that I could play one. What I need is to develop a routine, a soft schedule, guidelines for when it is the most +EV in my life to be playing online poker. I work 10 hour shifts, Wednesday-Saturday, and when I'm off I am generally pretty tired. It is not a good idea for me to be playing unless I feel like my mind is sharp. On Sunday I usually spend all day with my Girlfriend as it's the only day we have off together. This is not a good day to play any sort of session.

Monday and Tuesday are my bread and butter. My Girlfriend works and I have the whole day to myself. This is when I can really put in some hands, and do so in the right frame of mind and do so profitably. I need to develop some kind of routine as to when I wake up, when I play, making sure to take breaks, etc. Doing so will increase my profits by limiting variance in my own mental/physical/emotional state while playing.

One thing the 200NL reg told me that I am really going to try to apply is to not expect anything when starting a session. I have noticed in my own personal experience that when I play the first session of the day, usually around 9-10am on my days off, I play very well, but I am not playing to try to make money, I am playing to play poker, and to play well. If I go into a session expecting to make 500$ or $1k today, or to chase my losses and come back to even, my focus will not be in the right place. It must be on the hand(s) in play and only the hand(s) in play.

I am also going to work on developing a pre-session routine. I have been trying to get in shape and my earlier idea of getting a good run and shower in before starting my session for the day would be very +EV as it wakes the body and mind up and gets the juices flowing. I also am going to re-iterate certain points before even opening the tables. I will get myself set, ready, and prepared for what is going to happen. The last part of the pre-session routine will be table selection, something that has been stressed by the best of the best for a very long time.

----

I'll go ahead and end this now, but I'm very glad I took the time to sit here and type it all out. I feel good. I feel purified. Yes, I've just lost a lot of money and hard work, but I feel good. If I can take this and turn it around into a positive experience I will be all the stronger. That which doesn't kill me...

Please let me know what you think of all this (if you actually read it) by posting a comment or two. I would really appreciate it. Even if it's just to tell me I'm an idiot.

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Tilted. Played Tired. Played Above my Limits.

Lost 70% of my roll. Time for responsible gambling..

I'm so bad.

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Yesterday's Graph:




Posted here for my own embarrassment. I am so completely and utterly disgusted with myself. I thought I was done with this and better than this.

I am just going to have to rebuild. I am still 'rolled' for 200NL but I would be crushed by another day like this, so I am just going to play 100NL with 50+ buyins until Next month at least.

Absolutely ridiculous. I know I'm not the only one to have a day like this, but ughh.. The only thing I can be proud of is that I didn't go to higher limits, which is what has blown my roll twice before (although to be fair they were much smaller rolls).

Please berate in comments.

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Today was an absolute disaster. I'm so sick of playing my 'second' session for the day and getting creamed.

I played a good 1.5k hand session this morning after working out, made 600$, and was ready to call it day, but got bored later on, played more, was doing okay and then got insta-stacked on two tables at once to coolers, and bled another 100$ before I quit.

Then I decided that the best way to win it back was to 9-table..... I end the day down 800$ from when I started today, and it could have been MUCH worse. I got lucky in some hands that I played very badly.

Ugh even though I still have a BR for 200NL I think I am going to step it down to 100NL for a while until I can get this shit under control. I worked too hard to build this BR and I don't want to lose it god dammit.

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So this weekend I was hanging out with a bunch of buddies from high school and they are all in shape and while I'm not that out of shape, I haven't exercised regularly in over a year.

So yesterday I started by doing a 30 min walk with my GF and that is nothing special at all, but it's better than sitting on the couch.

I've given myself rules, hopefully to get myself in shape both physically and pokerly -- on my days off, before I start playing, I am going to make myself do two things:

a) eat
b) run

Today I ran for ~25-30 minutes, ended up running about 3 miles and it fucked me up so bad. I was really disgusted. When I was just out of high school and working at the airport I was able to run 10 miles and be tired but not like wheezing-going-to-puke tired like I was today. It was pretty inspiring though, esp cuz I went out and bought 75$ worth of under-armor running clothes which are so baller.

Poker is going fairly well, I am going to have to cash out some money before rent this month because I'm paying back all of my debt. Basically I am going to leave myself a nice 25bi roll and cash out profits until I have my credit card / debt to my parents paid off. Depending on how I run // how many hands I can put in, this should only take a month or two (I have around ~4k$ in debt that I want to pay off).

Most important news here is that I think I would like to get a couple of hours of coaching for 200NL. I am beating the limit but not like I want to, and I feel there must be some leaks in my game that I am not noticing. I don't want to pay that much, but if maybe a 200NL or 400NL winning reg would do like an hour or two of coaching with like 50% profit, or maybe just 100$/hr would be good? PM me if you are interested!

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I hate to whine post but this is getting stupid. I cannot win with AA. I have been repeatedly ass-raped with Aces at 200NL. Other than that I feel like I can definitely beat the limit. I have made money somehow after losing over 1k with AA. I seriously have a 62% win-rate with AA. Wtf?

I don't think I'm misplaying it? I think there are some calls here that are not great, but nothing that is that bad. Not to mention getting pwned by KK twice today.

If you want to witness the reaming, check below:

+ Show Spoiler +

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Got some time at work today so I figured I'd update with some things going on..

After grinding up a nice roll on stars, I had a night where I came home after a party and probably 8-10 shots of Vodka and played some heads-up. Needless to say, I blew 95% of my roll and left myself with about 300.

As of now I had grinded that up to 3500$, started out 20-tabling .05/.10 FR, and played HU under-rolled on Friday nights and Sat nights -- ended up doing very well and then Moves to .25/.50, now playing 100NL 6max.

I really don't get much time to play online, only putting in maybe 1-3k hands a week. Playing 100NL I will probably end up being about 500 VPP away from GoldStar ><

I cashed out 500$ to pay off a long-overdue debt to my parents when I got fired from my job a year ago, leaving me with around ~3k. I think I'll just keep playing 100NL until 4k and then start taking shots at 200NL. I think my skill level is definitely above 100NL and I'm really looking forward to 200NL and up.

I have had a major revelation in my poker life of late. The biggest thing was that poker is a hobby / game / not a necessity. I only play when I am feeling up to it, when I am in a good mood and feel like playing. This has helped my results 1000% because I have been quitting when I start to tilt or take some bad beats and know I'm not playing well, and when playing I have been 100% focused. I keep a constant check on my emotional and mental state of mind to make sure that I should be playing, and avoid playing when in bad mindset or in a bad environment (too much distractions, talking on phone, aim, etc).

If you play poker on your own terms, instead of feeling like you *have* to put in a session, you WIN.

Realize this is a novel already, but played some live 1/2 NL at a local brick n mortar type card room last night and had an interesting hand. Let me know what you think of this:

Very early in the session, game had just started up and this was maybe the 2nd or 3rd orbit, 8 handed 1/2, UTG limps and I open to 9 from MP. Folds around to UTG limper who calls.

Need to note that I had been pretty active so far, Raising anything in good position if folded to me, and had taken down almost every one with a cbet -- I had just had to fold to a raise on the flop from a weak/tight donk. My image at this point is fairly aggressive. UTG limper was a decent player, plays the casino often and seemed to be paying attention most of the time.

Flop comes . UTG checks, I cbet for 12 (small I know), and he C/R to 30. I thought for a while and really didn't think he'd have a solid hand, I put him on the flush draw or something like QT or JT. I call, figuring I have many outs and the backdoor draw + hoping to push him off on a non-heart scare card turn.

Turn is pairing the board and giving me the nut flush draw. UTG checks again, I think for quite a while and decide to bet 50. He thinks 3-4 seconds and minraises me. I think about it for a while and just absolutely nothing makes sense for him to take this line. I don't think he raises me if he just boated up, and definitely not with a naked T. He's not playing T4 or 43 from UTG so I can safely rule those out. I figure he has something like 77 or air.

I shove for 59$ more than his min-raise and he insta-calls, dealer deals river which I really thought was a bad card.

I show my flush and he shows and berates me continously for how bad I played the hand.

However I think I played it very well. Any thoughts on this?

Spose I should wrap it up.

Cheers,
Ben

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So my new roommate uses his 46" Sharp LCD as his computer monitor and he had an extra Dell 24" WFP that he let me buy for real cheap.

Wow so sick, so great for pokering!

Can easily fit 6 tables with no overlap and at a good enough size so PAhud doesn't look like shit, and use the other monitor for surfing web / lobby / instant HH / winamp.

Regardless of the sick setup, Stars decided it would show me what a sick setup was and I dropped multiple BI's today

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