Kilay

Because all the cool people do it...

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Get your ass online on MSN =P kkthxbai !!!

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Amazing fucking session, just got through 20-25 buy-in downswing running about 10-15 buy-ins below expectation. Lose confidence, rebuild @ 10NL ---> WIN !!! Go to 25NL ---> LOL, DOOMSWITCH, You will play 10NL forever and ever, signed Pokerstars.

Worst thing was, I got slowrolled 3 times in the goddamn session, luckily I sucked out one into a split (AT on AK9 board against AK against huge aggrodonk, came K turn and A river) but some guy had to really think about calling all-in preflop with AA after he posted OOP and raised huge and I 3-bet/5-bet shove after his 4-bet with AKo. Should have fucking been double K board for freaking justice. A huge fucking ''FUCK YOU, GET AIDS'' to the slowrollers of this world.

Kilay

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Omg, I can't describe how good running hot feels after a solid 20 buy-in downswing. I'm obviously not recovered yet but I am doing alright my last couple of sessions and hope I can keep myself on the road to recovery and get back to at least 25NL and maybe some 50NL end this month/start of February.

I'll post some hands of how insanely hot I ran on my last two sessions and I obviously hope I can continue this way but we'll see for another session tomorrow.

This is the only hand I doubt my own play because of the passiveness (hope that's not too result oriented) of 10NL but it's probably never a huge mistake since some people get it in with JJ/AK preflop here as well so. Was the very first hand on the table so no stats what so ever:

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This guy was just plain retarded. He played normally for the first orbit he sat in and then all of a sudden started shoving every single hand preflop. He had been doing it for about 1.5 orbit once I got to this hand and I decided it was good enough since he had shoved 9 consecutive hands. Hope this is a solid call here under these conditions and I didn't just luckbox in a lower part of his range:

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This guy was so freaking aggresive. Didn't have a lot of hands on him but he was playing around 80/50 with 40% 3-bet or whatever and a 70+ AFq over 2 orbits or so. Isn't it lovely to play in position and be able to extract the maximum value ?!:

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No stats on this guy either. Funny thing is, I did the exact same thing against him 1 orbit later when I had 99 on a 987cc board in a blind battle and c/minraised me (reloaded to 6$) but he didn't bite then:

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I doubted a little about this one before calling but his bet just didn't make any sense and he was faily aggresive and not into folding much for the little sample that I did have on him. I decided to call after some thought (probably nitty, probably an insta-call) since it didn't make any sense and the bet-sizing looked extremely bluffy:

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Meh, got to hate this flop but this guy was extremely aggro and had been 3-betting everyone on the table, including me, a lot preflop for about 3-4 orbits. I guess the flop is pretty thin against his range because any heart has solid drawing equity against me obviously but I didn't think I could fold. Not planning folding after that bet obviously. I know about the fancy looking 4-bet but since he'd be so aggro I thought he would see it as a weak/tight playing back at him and overshove as a bluff more often but I probably out-leveled myself there:

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This guy was a pretty big aggrotard. Thought the flop was solid to c-bet although he didn't have a very high fold to flop c-bet over 5 orbits or whatever, something like 55-60% but I got a little equity to go with it and am in position. Massive LOL @ his slow-playing:

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Ok, this was probably not a good call preflop because Trigo was short and that cuts down on the implied odds and since I'll have to play OOP all the way, this may as well be a fold preflop. That being said, I made the call at the time and when I saw this flop I was thinking it's gamble time. Gimme that damn coinflip yow !!!:

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These guys were both almost never folding to flop c-bets so might as well check through. On the turn I obviously luckbox my gin card and made the flat because the Barro guy was pretty aggresive overall and wasn't that afraid of a lot of hands except for a flushdraw mostly which I thought he'd c/r enough here to flat it. They were both 50+ VPIP over 4-5 orbits so too much shit I am folding out by raising imo because he can fold anything < top pair hands.

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Looking through all these hands makes me realize... I play a lot with aggrotards. Almost every single description has something ''LOL, random aggrotard, he has no fold button, board hits me in the face, lollerskates he can't fold''. Anyways, as long as I make hands and these guys keep paying me off, I'm feeling great.

Anyways, I hope this doesn't fuck my karma and makes me go on another 20+ buy-in downswing immediatly starting tomorrow *knock on wood*.

GL at the tables all, Kilay

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So after my last doomcrying and very emo blogpost people really got to me and I think the best to thing out of this major ass-raping streak is improvement. As Vlseph (sorry if I screwed up your name there...) suggested I am hereby posting my stats of the last 7.5k hands and I immediatly noticed that my W$WSF is pretty low and my W$SD% is also signicifanctly lower than over my overall database. Not really sure why but I guess I might have been somewhat spewy on turns and/or rivers judging from my W$SD% and my lowered W$WSF could very well be lower because I am too nitty as of late because of my lack of confidence. I generally give people a lot of credit lately when they play back at me and whenever I do decide not to make the agonizing fold because I feel like I am walked all over, I call down/get the money or whatever and they either have it after all or they suckout with me winning a 70/30 or whatever standardish.



The 50NL losses is very easily explained. It's a very short sample at the start of the downswing when I was trying out some 50NL and the following hand occured:

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I think I'll really give my game some extra though and probably go over all the 30BB+ losers of those last 7.5k hands. There is no doubt about it, I've been running like crap but there is always room for improvement and I guess that's the best I can get out of this shithole. Trying to improve as much as I can and wait for a better run. Anyways, I hope some people here can give me some solid and helping criticism on my play and I will probably post any noticable hand later when I got around to looking through all of them.

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So, enjoying my first session of the year with the idea of a new start in my head. Completely de-tilted from my late downswing, or at least, so I hoped but the ass-rape just continues and I hereby call a favor upon human kindness (lol, if there is any available in this world) and hope somebody can point out my leaks and at least enlighten me if this is all bad play or mostly variance or whatever because I hereby have 0 amount of confidence left in myself as a poker player.

My 25NL winrate (LOL, winrate...) has been cut in half in 3k hands and ever since I dropped down to 10NL with a 775 roll I am still enjoying the ass-rape being down another 10 buy-ins there and still counting. I totally transformed into a weak/tight nit and am completely scared of ever taking a hand to showdown if it isn't the complete nuts because I expect to get ass-raped since that's what been happening the last 7k hands or whatever. Oooh, I'll add my graph for the pure lulz factor of it.



The best thing of this graph is, that it contains half my former bankroll...

Hand 0: Around 1.1k
Current: 660$ LOLLERSKATES

Ok, well, I hope I will get somebody to help me out here. So far I set aside all my pride by asking for help here and I hope somebody will respond and shit, not really expecting anything though... If nobody will react and/or help me, I guess I'll pray that I will run like Jesus before I go busto like this...

Later, Kilay

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Wrapping up 2008:

So I guess this is the day to write a long and boring wrap up on 2008. My year didn't go anywhere near planned and I am really hoping I can change that next year and hopefully be better at reaching my goals. I only just set myself some goals after September this year because before all that I had a lot of personal life drama that affected me in my entire life including poker but also my study and everything else. Even after the summer break I had a solid amount of crap remaining constantly screwing up my plans. It's getting better now and therefore, I'd do better at reaching my goals in 2009, still getting my life in order though.

My 2008 goals (after September that is) was to play 100k hands until the end of the year and realize a roll to start taking 100NL shots with. I played like 45-55k hands since September and ran bad/played bad a lot overall so I also definitly need to improve and try not to force things too much. I really notice that I have that urge to win too much and let it affect my play, if I just keep on putting in hands things will be alright and I shouldn't try to force a winning streak because it won't work. Bad runs will happen and you just need to grind it out instead of whining and making bad plays to try and catch a luckshot and win some back because in the long run that will only make things worse.

Apart from poker I had the goal to finish my 1st year in college so I can continue my studies there and I didn't even made that although in October it became clear that I will go to another college after the next summer break because my current college sucks balls and I don't like it there. On top of that the education sucks and I barely learn anything new so I am going to move to a both nicer city as enrolling myself in a college with a better quality of education. For the Dutch people, I am currently studying at Fontys (Eindhoven) and it's literally filled with retards so I am leaving the damn place and will be going to study at the University of Tilburg and I will also most probably making a slight change in the major I'll take. I am currently studying business economics and will probably switch to econometrics. Not sure about that yet though but still have a couple of months to totally figure that out.

The new beginning called 2009:

I overall think it's kind of cliché to see the start of a new calender year as a time to change things drastically in your life, I mean, you might as well do it on March 23 or 17 May or 9 October during the calender year, it's the same thing. Still, even though I find it cliché I want to take up the start of this new year to change things around, set myself new goals and partially start over with things.

As far as poker goes, I started playing since October 2007 or so but only just taking it more seriously this summerbreak (let's say around beginning of August this year) and I decided I want to take it even more serious than I already do. I think this is the time to do so, I love the complexity of this game and the overall strategy involved in the game. I love that if you pay attention, be logical and stay disciplined you can out-think other people and make the correct decision a lot more than people think overall. A lot of this game isn't explored and done yet and if you are smart and put the time and effort into it, I think you can still make a lot of things happen. On top of that it would obviously be nice to make some money doing something you like. I am quite hesitant to set myself any monetary goals (although ''DJForever'' told me I could easily do so) as I don't want to fall back into my habit of trying to force things too much and just set myself a goal of an amount of hands I want to play this year and I keep in the back of my mind that (if the sample size is large enough) results will come in time if you keep on playing good.

I've been given the time to set my life straight again with all the personal crap I had to deal with lately and me changing college September 2009 really helps me with that since I won't have much responsebilities until then and that obviously brings a solid amount of time to dedicate to poker along with it.

As far as poker goes I got the following goal actually:

- Play 250k hands before the end of the year, this might not sound like a whole lot but I only play 4 tables upto now because I always aim at learning new things (as for now at least) instead of improving my hourly rate since I am only just still grinding between the 10NL and 50NL range and I think improving should be your number 1 goal for a long time.

Apart from my poker goal I obviously have some real life goals as well and since I don't mind posting them too much I will post them as well, just for myself mostly:

- Setting my life straight and have a solid base to build on again in a couple of months into this year. It's obviously really hard to set a deadline to resolving complex personal issues but I will do so anyway to give myself some guidelines. I will have resolved the drama in my life before April the 1st this year.
- Start of good on the new college and basically passing all my courses during the first two semesters.
- I also want to get in a better physical condition. I am nowhere near fat or anything, I am 1.88m tall and weigh around 79-81 kilo (LOL, metric system). Still I want to get into a better shape and I will probably go and compete in a walking competition (called ''De Nijmeegse Vierdaagse'') along with my mom (LOL, momma's boy) and in order to do that I obviously have to train and hopefully and get into a somewhat better shape.

Well, that's about it for my new year resolutions. If I find out I forgot something I will edit it in or make a follow up blogpost for whatever reason.

Anyways, tl;dr and a happy newyear from me to all of you LP !!!

Kilay

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Ok, so for the past weeks I've been running like crap and the point from when I tilt is quite easily reached. I guess I can take some reasonable variance if it goes over a somewhat normal span but this is becoming insane. For the past 2-3 weeks, I'll play a session, lose 3-4 buy-ins within 300 hands or so, sometimes even less, become tilted, close my pokerclient and just take off for 2 days so I can return with a fresh mind and once I return with great mentality and inspiration, I get fucking soulcrushed again.

Today was once again the day I was coming back. I was planning on playing a solid 1k session to catch up on a lost day since I went to some stand-up comedy yesterday. The session played: 164 hands and down almost 3 buy-ins, it's fucking incredible how shitty I can run and it's not even over one long session so I can relativate and try grind out some hands to win some back, now, Stars likes to make me lose 3 buy-ins immediatly and laugh at me.

Today the biggest pot I won was an astonishing 5.75$ (on 25NL) and the following hands occured in this amazing 25 minute time-span:

Guy was playing around 43/36 or so over 20 hands with an astonishing steal percentage of 100 (LOL):

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That was the first one, should have been an easy + buy-in for a great start to the session but no... ok, no biggie, sucks but I can grind it back, just relax and grind on.

Yay, another overpair agianst somebody playing 44/3 over almost 50 hands, pay-off time !!!

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Fucking awesome... by now I was pretty annoyed because I wasn't even sessioning for half an hour yet, pretty much reminded me off all the sessions in the last 2 weeks.

Next one was against 54/23 over 30 hands... I guess I misplayed probably because I was already freaking aggravated and my spirit sank to my shoes and I guessed he just got there already on the turn and was like, please cheap boat 1-time to make some of this fucking retarded bullshit up already !!!

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Fuck, fuck, FFFUUUCCCKKKK !!!!!

Then I also this ridiculous hand against some nit...

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FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All the other boards I had KK on lately had flopped an A and I got c/r'd or donkbet pretty big on and had to fold pretty much and I generally just hate my life right. I think I'll be back at 50NL around 2012, at least, if online poker isn't fucking banned by this. Well, one thing to comfort me, at least I made a shitload of Sklansky-bucks (or is it J-bucks nowadays ??).

My last 3k hands I've lost about 13-14 buy-ins on 25NL and I'm still counting. My winrate dropped from a solid 5 ptbb/100 over 32k hands to 3.8 ptbb/100 over my last 35k hands instead.

Off those 13-14 buy-ins I've had some hands reviewed and around 2-4 buy-ins have been a mistake made by me, the other are just ridiculous variance (proven by the showdowns...)

Please give me some tips because this shit is getting unbearable and extremely depressing... The most fucking depressing thing is that I can't even play a fucking session off longer than 45 minutes or I get tilted by 3-4 ridiculous beats...

FUCK MY FUCKING GODDAMN FUCKING LIFE FOR FLYING FUCK SAKE !!!!!!

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Well, not quite but I took quite a hit the last 3 days playing and feel miserable about and need your help with some of my hands.

I've lost like 10 buy-ins in my last 2 sessions - 2k hands, 4 this Friday and almost 6 today and I feel like absolute shit, those 2 gruesome days result me in breaking even for the last 11k hands which feels like a sin to me on a limit as 25NL... whatever, I guess most will tell me it's completely standard (either that or that I can't beat 25NL... I hope it's the first one most frankly...). Like half those buy-ins are proven coolers/bad beats looking at them through HEM but the other half was because of some gruesome spots and I was wondering if there were any people around that would care to help me comment these spots...

Spot #1:

The guy in this hand was playing 45/20 over 20 hands and seemed to be mostly a calling station. His overall aggression frequency was 21% but that doesn't say much over such a small sample size.

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Spot #2:

The guy in this hand was playing 43/17 over 23 hands and was pretty aggro, his aggro frequency was 42% and he didn't seem to like folding so far. Not sure if it helps any way, I guess it does constructing his preflop range, his preflop 3-bet percentage was 25%, obviously a small sample size but that's a lot of 3-bets nontheless.

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Spot #3:

The guy in this hand was playing 19/3 over 36 hands and had a aggro frequency of 14% and didn't seem to like folding post flop once he was in the flop. The hand before this one I saw him minraising and 4-betting the flop quite small with JTo on a KQ9 flop with a flushdraw on it, naturally I took some weight off nut hands in his range but nontheless, the overbet shove really threw me off.

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Spot #4:

The guy in this hand turned out to be playing 41/19 over 54 hands but I think was playing around 70/55 or so for over 20 hands when this hand occured. His aggro frequency turned out to be around 45% over those 54 hands and he was generally acting like your standard aggrodonk. Btw, his raise here is a shove.

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Spot #5:

The guy in this hand turned out to be playing 54/13 over 113 hands and was extremely aggressive postflop, his aggro frequency over those 113 hands turned out to be 72 so that's pretty damn high. Preflop though he seemed reasonably stationy and just trying to see flops so he could go nuts postflop. I hadn't seen him limp/3-bet so I wasn't sure how to act on that one but didn't feel quite good to get it in preflop because of his overall nitty preflop opening stat.

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Anyways, apart from these hands I am really struggling with my mindset for poker and that has been going on for quite a long time now. It seems that I know the fundamentals quite well overall, understand the nature of the game and are pretty reasonable at figuring out most spots but I have a hard time getting my grinding mindset right. I don't grind enough because I am afraid of losing sessions, call me an idiot about it, I know it's insane and I feel kind of ashamed about it but that's the way it is. I also have small tilt problems, half-way my losing session today I started tilting again and tilted off exactly 1 buy-in directly after losing a pot, it ain't much with how I'd use to tilt (I used to tilt from losing 3 buy-ins already and my max buy-ins lost on tilt is about 4, I know, really bad but I worked on it quite a bit and I got most of it out of me) but it's still 1 buy-in unnecessary lost.

I also seem to be really bad at not thinking about my results in hands that I lost... I understand that a set over set is a cooler you probably won't get away from unless the flop is super, super bad (like 876 monotone) but I guess some or maybe even most hands I posted above are coolers but I like to believe I could have made a different move and shit like that. Thing is, my confidence is really low and I constantly doubt if I understand things good enough to be even considered a winner in poker in general so I tend to feel all this insecurity whenever I lose a hand and wonder if I misplayed it.

Anyways, long post, blah, blah, blah, I would like to thank everybody in advance that was willing to take a look here and help me out, later, Kilay

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So I got back to playing on Pokerstars and been doing ok, didn't have great run yesterday but I am done whining over beats so let's not get over that.

The thing is, I want to boost my bankroll as fast as possible but there isn't rakeback at Pokerstars. Now you do get these FPP's and I don't really need them to buy anything at the moment and would rather use them to boost my bankroll to be able to play higher in a faster pace. Now I can buy the 50$ bonus but I've heard that the bonusses aren't amazing value and you should wait for the higher ones if you do want to take them up but I don't think waiting for the 285$ one (the next step) is going to be that good for me since I'd rather boost my bankroll a little more short-term (playing 25NL and 50NL at the moment and I really want to get to 100NL before the end of the year).

Now I was wondering, are there any other ways to easily turn your FPP's into money for your Pokerstars account since I could do that to give it a nice boost. I guess that if there are any better possibilities for around 10k-12k FPP's, they may even be better value based on $ per FPP ratio.

If anyone knows any good ways to use your FPP's to boost your bankroll on a relative short-term (for a 25NL / 50NL player) please let me know.

Random pics:







Later, Kilay

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