Kick, Push

is just wake up the next day and do our best. Quitting isn't an option, and bitching isn't going to miraculously make things better. The cards are out of our control, although we can control how we play. All we can do is play our best and hope for the best.

so no more hardcore bitching from me, I swear that yesterday's outbreak is a once a year thing Thanks for all the comments. Ultimately what matters isn't money but rather happiness (money is only part of that process for many of us). This game isn't gonna break me imo.

LET'S DO THIS, JUNE IS OURS! :D

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I honestly didn't think that the run bad of 2008 I had to endure for so god damn long would come back, but as my luck would have it, it did.



It's honestly just sick the frequencies with which other regs can always fucking have it. Even more disgusting is how many times I can cooler the fuck out of myself for deep stacks. I'm going fucking nuts because of this game, god damnit man. This is exactly how May started, down 6k+ with no fucking hope. Now I have to spend the next 2 weeks trying to dig myself out of this stupid hole. This isn't how it should be man. This game is going to make me blow my brains out.

I guess I won't be playing much 3/6 or 5/10 anymore, even though the bulk of my losses is at 2/4 with some additional help at 5/10. I just need to regain my confidence and good swings back, if I'm going to lose every single fucking day like I have so far this month, it might as well be at one fucking two or something.

Some hands for those that care:
http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/700146 - Typical 5/10 bullshit, getting 2 outered by awful regs
http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/700147 - KK vs AA 250bb deep, funny how I've literally never been in the reverse spot ONCE this past year, yet have have been on the negative side of this cooler a fuckton of times, especially deep.
http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/701132 - 200bb set over set. Once again, I honestly don't remember EVER being on the positive end of this in 2009, let alone for deepstacks at 3/6.

I really don't know how much more of this I can take. I'm just hoping it doesn't devolve into the 6 month breakeven that I had to endure in 2008. I just wanna be one of those regs that just run fucking great every god damn time, who always has it and is always on the positive end of coolers. Amazing how GREAT some fuckers have it, sad thing is they don't even know it.

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v-v-v-variance fest





I ran good at 2/4 but got absolutely destroyed elsewhere, resulting in a mediocre 2ptbb winrate for the month of May. Not bad though, a week ago I was questioning as to whether or not I'd even profit on the month (that and where the FUCK my red line was going)..

+6k Cash Game
+~500 Donkaments
+2k Rakeback
= 8.5k on the month.

Taking the last couple days off, except for the Turbo Takedown (gonna win me a Cayman). I found out I have some cavities too, they don't hurt but I can see them, ugh. Haven't been to the dentist in like 6 years, no one ever told me I was supposed to keep going back for checkups, wtf mate?

So we're a month away from the half point mark of the year. The extent of 2009 has been what I'd considered myself an actual full time professional (although god knows I don't put in the hours of a true full time pro), after deciding to take an extended break from school. I have to say I'm satsified with how it's been going so far. I wanted to make 150k this year and I'm behind pace on that, but I'm up around 55-60k on the year already which is the amount I made in 2008. I feel like I can still hit 150k seeing as how at the beginning of the year I was playing mostly 1/2, and now I'm playing anything between 2/4, 3/6, and 5/10. I played 10/20 this month which was awesome as I was able to luckbox a stack, lolol. Additionally, I feel like my overall growth as a player just keeps making HUGE leaps and bounds each month I play and devote myself to the game. I think it's one thing to be able to play this game well, but it's another to be able to inherently understand the game and its psychological factors well. Mastery of both is probably the recipe to high stakes success.

Some interesting hands:
http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/693802 - 4bet pot deep, two streets call down with bottom pair
http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/696062 - Just a cute Q-hi hero call, not a big pot or anything though
http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/697094 - 10/20 hand, always nice to 3bet bluff oop and flop the nizzles and cooler a reg

My June goals will pretty much be the same as my May goals. At least 40k hands and at least 5 digit income. I'd like to take this time to give a shout out to Bttech86/Ben86/Ben Tollerene whom I mentioned I was backing for his extensive WSOP schedule, as he's beginning that schedule now (today is Day 1 of WSOP series). I have 7.5% of him, so I hope he binks!

GL guys.

Year-to-date Results:
+ Show Spoiler +

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Comments (4)

adfjksdf it's frustrating getting set up hand after hand, especially at high stakes. 5/10 just treats me like a used whore.

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I feel like this is something that most players at my relative skill/earning level eventually think about. This is probably mostly targetted at lower stakes players who I think will benefit most from this sort of perspective. Here's a picture of some random hot slut I found on the internets so that this blog entry isn't just a massive wall of text:



I'm writing this right after coming off a flip loss in the FTOPS ME which cost me my stack, but let me start from the beginning.

Saturday is a mediocre day, ended up breaking even, then went grocery shopping at 1 am and watched some GOM before I slept. I went to bed at 5 AM, trying to get some much needed rest so that I could play sharp in the FTOPS tourneys on Sunday. Turns out all I'm doing in bed is just thinking about random shit, including the fun things I'd do if I were fortunate enough to ship 432k (1st in FTOPS ME). It's 6:30, and I realize I'm still wide awake. This has happened before. I think, fuck it, I'll chill online for a bit. I notice some fish at the 2/4 games so I fire up another session, without having eaten, or slept. I make like 4 buy ins and also play 2 satellites into the FTOPS ME and win both of them, life is good.

At 9 AM I realize I should definitely sleep otherwise playing through the FTOPS (which tend to last FOREVER if you go deep) will be hellish off of zero sleep. I try sleeping, but once again I can't (this time mostly due to having a dry throat and randomly coughing). So I'm up again...at 10 AM, zero sleep, and thinking whatever fuck it I'll just wing it. Long story short I cash in none of the tournaments I play today, and it's 6 PM right now and I still haven't slept. Life is awful.

The moral of the story is Poker, honestly, defines my life. I've become engulfed by it. I let my swings in Poker affect my mood throughout the day. When I wake up the next day I feel fine and don't care for the previous day's results, but that's not good enough. It's never good to let yourself be so affected by outcomes which you ultimately can't control (to an extent, due to variance). I feel like shit if I spend a day not doing anything productive, which includes Poker. I honestly have an urge to grind if I'm not doing anything worthwhile and I just hate having the feeling of "what am I doing? why am i not playing and trying to make money? don't I understand how important money is to me?"

It's hard to articulate. It's something I feel like only happens within a certain threshold or window of relative earnings. I made a post a long time ago discussing the happiness EV between micro stakes players, high stakes players, and most importantly mid stakes players. You can view that here (it was pretty well received, surprisingly): http://www.liquidpoker.net/blog/viewblog.php?id=412942

It's similar, where Micro Stakes players typically aren't committed/invested in the game (simply because it would be suicide to declare yourself a professional full time poker player if you play 10 NL or something), and High Stakes players make enough from the game to substantiate a luxurious lifestyle. Both of these cases mean that the NEED to grind does not have to exist. For the Mid Stakes grinder, it's a necessity. Of course it differs person to person, but I feel like Mid Stakes players, at least me, make an amount of money that is neither too small nor too much. Bills can be paid comfortably, but to achieve much much more takes more grinding, simply put.

So in my pursuit of becoming the equivalent of a High Stakes income earner, I feel the insatiable need to keep grinding, to keep trying. Yet Poker can be such a brutal, cruel game, that when you fall short (and it happens, over, and over, and over again), it REALLY starts fucking with you.

Every FTOPS season I always think to myself "Holy shit, time to win hundreds of thousands and get rich!". What would I do with that money? I would definitely take a break and start investing in ventures outside of poker. Ultimately, I've realized what I'm trying to do is play poker and make enough money so that one day I can quit playing poker. It's a sick, twisted thing, really. And who knows how much it'd take for me to be satisfied. I mean, I've already made more than my parents this year so far, yet I don't feel an ounce of satisfaction. What will it take? 7 Figures?

And yet this is the life I willingly accepted (although I didn't think it would be THIS depressing), but have inadvertently found myself "stuck" with. I guess in the end I've written this post to make it a sort of wake up call for myself, to start making baby steps towards having a more fulfilling, enjoyable life/youth. This is also one of the most "down" I've felt mentally about my life, this game, etc. and I'd like to keep a written record of my thoughts so that maybe a few months from now I can re-read this and laugh at how terrible I was. Hopefully this was a bit revealing and/or thought provoking for you guys as well. Cheers, GL .

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Comments (14)

This is like my February all over again, but instead of breaking even at 1/2, I spent half the month digging myself out of the hole 5/10 dug me. Finally back in it! Such high variance sessions, win 1 bi, immediately lose another, etc. =[

Some hands lately:
http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/689039 - Overbet river? NP A hi calllll
http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/689046 - Just a gross deep spot vs a huge fish whose range is so face up :[

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Comments (2)

Well, I'm almost even on the month so that's good. But this blog post isn't about that. Recently I've thought about "investing" (both in the metaphorical and literal meaning of the word) some money in one of three ways:

1. Actual investments (start dabbling in stocks, ETFs, etc.)
2. Getting a Personal Assistant/Chef
3. Staking/Backing people

Well I'm a degen at heart so I chose #3. I'm told now is not a good time for #1 since the economy is still going down or something, and #2 would just be a luxury, not necessarily a financial investment. So I've staked my friend for 100nl, which is $4k and I get like $5.5 at the end of everything if he ends up robustoing, which I'm certain he could. It's a high return, but also because I do some coaching/sweating with him too.

Additionally, I've staked bttech86/ben86/Ben Tollerene $9k for 7.5% of his entire Summer WSOP schedule. Kind of a big stake, but he's a good player who does consistently well in tournaments. I also did this because I'm STILL not 21 (I turn 21 in August) so I can't play in the WSOP, but I want to robusto this summer SOMEHOW so I might as well do it vicariously through someone who's bound to destroy an event or two.

I'm still gonna go to Vegas though, just to hang out around June or so. More on that later, maybe there will be a LP meetup?

Next, and what's most exciting for me, is APPT Fall. I've already decided to take Fall Quarter off from school to do traveling and donkamenting (and convinced an RL friend to do the same w/ me). The tentative plan is as follows:

Mid August fly to Macau for APT,
Chill in Shanghai (my parents have a nice pad there) for a week,
Head back to Macau assuming APPT starts around this time (usually it's a week after APT)
Go to Tokyo as my main base of operations, and from there go to different APPT locations, etc. :D

Overall I plan on staying in Asia for like 4 months or so, it's going to be fucking ridiculous.

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Comments (2)

May has just been a disaster so far. To be fair, I can't complain that much given how good I was running prior months, but 5/10 has been my dream stakes since the day I started playing, and I'm down like 6.5k this month there in like 2k hands. Yeah yeah sample size blah blah but it's not like I'm a 5/10 reg, I take like shots at 1 or 2 tables when they're soft, so it feels like a "lot" to me

A hand to illustrate the type of stuff I've been getting into lately:
http://www.liquidpoker.net/h/683157 - AA vs 32o in 3b pot

So...a pretty big hole I've dug myself here. I think I'm going to stop with the 5/10 shots for a WHILE, stick with 2/4 and MAYBE some 3/6 shots (where I'm doing pretty well actually). Maybe even grind 1/2 again during off hours. It's going to take a lot of grinding to dig myself out of this one, GL to me.

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Comments (8)

Well, April was good to me.





Was highlighted with the Best Cash Day of my career (something like 4.2k), a crazy trip to Vegas for 10 days (TR is below this post), and newfound confidence in my game. I've been taking some shots at 3/6 and 5/10 when tables are good, and I'm a full-fledged 2/4 reg now (the 1/2 was towards the beginning of the month) . Obviously I ran pretty damn good this month, but hopefully I can just ride the wave and keep taking shots until I'm more than comfortable with my roll and abilities. Amazing that in September last year I was nearing busto, and now I've got about 100 BI for 400nl and a good amount in my bank account.

Calling the month off early to spend some time with my family for the next couple days, and just relax/live healthier. I'm getting sick, I think sitting in front of my computer 24/7 with ungodly sleep schedules and not getting enough fresh air might have to do with it. Hopefully I'll be in decent shape to put in more hands for May, since this was probably my lowest-volume month in a while.

As far as tourneys go, I broke even in SCOOP after doing shitty for the first few events, then getting like a 1.7k cash in the $1000 main event after satelliting into it. May is FTOPS 12 time, where once again my dreams at becoming a hundred thousandaire lie. GL everyone :D

Overall a 16k month which is definitely up there for me:
~13200 Cash Games
~0 Donkaments
~800 Rakeback
~2000 Live (Vegas)
= 16000

Year-to-Date Cash Results:
+ Show Spoiler +

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Comments (17)

Well I spent 10 days in Vegas. Got hooked up w/ a nice place at Caesars Palace by an old friend of mine who is a huge baccarat baller now. I'm not one to write long stories or anything, so I'll bullet point the significant things

1. Had Sushi Roku (~$100 a person) with my friend, the waiter thought we were gay lovers I think :|. Either way, food was awesome.
2. A bunch of friends from home came to vegas, we went to Club XS at the Encore, which was absolutely ridiculous (ly awesome), it's so huge and it has a nice ass pool in the middle of it, surrounding blackjack tables lolol.
3. The next day we all went to Club Rain at the Palms, which was a much shittier club but Above and Beyond played (which is why I went), and while I'm not a huge trance fan, I like A&B and it was pretty cool there.
4. Played at CP, Venetian, Bellagio, and MGM, 2/5 and 5/10. Ended up winning about ~2k on the trip which, considering I played like 30 god damn hours, is really really shitty (especially considering I didn't play online much during this trip, and missed out on 2 Friday nights where I usually make 2k alone online )
5. Got food poisoning from Caesars Palace room service. Was knocked out with a high fever for like over 24 hours. Never bothered to complain because I was too lazy
6. My busto friend I went with put $30 on the number 2 on Roulette as we were leaving CP on the last day and binked it for $1000 and some change.

Overall I think I was getting a bit bored with the city maybe a week in, I can't imagine living here for like 2 months without succumbing to my inner degen (Only played table games twice, came up $10 on blackjack booyah). Having said that, I'm still going back in like 2 months or so when all my online internet poker homies come for WSOP and I'll be playing more table games and just having fun (not 21 til August). I think that's probably mandatory for anyone staying at Vegas for a while, is that you have friends to hang out with - for the 2 weekends I was there my friends from home came so it was like hanging out with them, only in a much wilder scene.

The best thing I got out of the trip though was that in a way I sort of "found myself". It really put things into perspective...on the 2nd day we were partying at XS and my buddy who is 20 also was like "dude...who else does this?" (meaning compared to our peers who are studying for midterms, working min wage jobs, etc. we were out in vegas underage partying and ballin, etc.). Then on the night we drove back (it's like a 3 hour drive back to LA), we saw a couple stranded in the desert with their engine broken down, and it made me think wow, here I am having the time of my life as a 20 year old kid, going home in a nice BMW (although I hate BMWs) with thousands of dollars in my pocket, etc. how on earth can I EVER complain about my life?

So yeah I hope I didn't come off as too arrogant, and I know I suddenly broke into story mode even though I said I wouldn't write a story, but somehow the sick degeneracy of the city was able to bring out a very nice, humbling perspective for me. From that, I think I somehow have a better sense of what I want to achieve, how I'm going to achieve it, etc. So in the end, I thought it was very cool that on the drive to Vegas, I was filled with anticipation (to gamble, to have fun, etc.), and as I was coming back from Vegas, I still had a great sense of anticipation, only this time for my immediate future, my goals, etc.

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