I will start tomorrow! essay!by donjuako, October 17
I will start tomorrow: An Analysis of My Procrastination Habit
Abstract
Procrastination is a type of behavior which is characterized by delaying actions or tasks to a later time. In this paper I attempt to analyze my procrastination habit following a Cognitive Behavioral approach.
My alarm clock goes off and according to my daily planner I have to exercise and study for my Psychology test. It is now five thirty in the afternoon and I have spent the whole day watching a marathon of a show I do not even like. Exercise and study will have to be re scheduled for tomorrow.
My best friend was telling me the other day how now she gets up thirty minutes earlier to exercise. I told her that I had created this amazing work out routine based on my previous training as a soccer player. The exercise plan is basically getting up and biking five miles to the local pool, swimming for an hour, coming back home biking, and then in the afternoon biking again to the beach and doing interval training in the sand for an hour….and of course biking back home. She told me I was setting myself up for failure, but I assure her I was going to stick to it. This is of course, probably the hundredth time she has listened to my exercise plans that never get to be practiced. For the last two years I have created all kinds of approaches and goal setting strategies to exercise, I have said I am going to learn several languages, and have developed several ways to take my company to the next level. Sadly most of these ideas only stay in my head and never get to be executed.
Procrastination (2008) in Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia is defined as a type of behavior which is characterized by deferment of actions or tasks to a later time. I am now back to school to pursue graduate studies in Physical Therapy and I know that I cannot afford to pursue this endeavor the same way I approached things in my college years. If I had the opportunity to seek professional help for my procrastination habit I would look for a therapist who follows a cognitive approach since I think becoming aware of the reason of my habit and being able to change my mentality is something I can achieve with this type therapy.
In the article Time Management and organization, Dombeck (1995) said that procrastination can best be understood by identifying the emotions associated with or underlying the behavior. Procrastination is an attempt to cope with emotional reactions of fear or failure, anger, dislike of the work, and seeking pleasure. King (1998) took this statement further saying that if the therapy begins with the notion that procrastination is not the basic “problem” but rather an attempted “cure” for these feelings and emotions then it is obvious that most procrastinators will have to focus on the real problems, underlying fears, attitudes and irrational ideas, in order to overcome the procrastinating behavior. After accepting this idea, the next step is to figure out what type of procrastination style the patient displays. From this point, each procrastinator must deal with his/her own unique emotions, skills, thoughts, and unconscious motives.
Dombeck (1995) described two fundamental kinds of procrastinators: one tense and the other relaxed. The tense type often feels both an intense pressure to succeed and a fear of failure. This type of procrastinator fees overwhelmed by pressures, is unrealistic about time, is uncertain about goals, is dissatisfied with accomplishments, is indecisive, blames others or circumstances for failures, lacks confidence and is sometimes perfectionist. Thus, the underlying fears are of failing, lacking ability, being imperfect, and falling short of overly demanding goals. This type thinks his/ her worth is determined by what he/she does. Thus, this kind of procrastinator will get over-stressed and over-worked until he/she escapes the pressure temporarily by trying to relax but any enjoyment gives rise to guilt and more apprehension.
On the other hand, the relaxed, pleasure seeking procrastinator seems, at first, to be less complicated, but careful observation of their thoughts and emotions suggests differently. This type is said to be much more common among college students than the tense-afraid type. These procrastinators may be addicted to people or preoccupied with meeting their more basic emotional needs such as attention and approval by peers, love, or self-esteem. For some students these other needs make studying almost impossible. In addition to emotional needs, the relaxed procrastinator’s thoughts may push him/her away from his work or studies. To such a person the gain is not worth the pain, especially since the necessary work is seen by them as so distasteful or boring that they just cannot do it (Dombeck, 1995).
Cognitive behavioral therapy can help a person who struggles with procrastination understand the causes of the problem, and learn skills to break through the habit. This includes developing skills to set concrete, specific, and realistic goals, to break tasks down into small manageable pieces, to make dates with others to do things together, and to establish incentives to carry out agreed-upon tasks. Overcoming procrastination has to be a gradual process and the treatment differs depending on the procrastination style of the patient (Knaus, 2002)
For the tense procrastinator, Fiore (2006), recommended a program that aims to reduce the fear of failing by helping the patent recognize his/her worth is not totally determined by an assignment at work or by a term paper grade, having alternate plans B and C for succeeding, in case plan A does not work, and using self-talk and self forgiveness techniques. Cognitive therapists suggest this type of procrastinator to keep a journal in which they record in detail their thoughts and feelings associated with studying. This helps them see how their fears, excuses, competing needs, and habits divert attention from studying. Based on this insight they can change procrastinating ways of thinking to productive ways.
Dombeck (1995) declared that the relaxed procrastinator will not feel much pressure to change, unless he/she is confronted with reality by some event such as failing a class or by serious thoughts about where his/her life is headed. This type of procrastinator shows a deep dislike for the chores they are avoiding. He suggested that these procrastinators create these feelings by telling themselves the tasks are awful, unfair, or by putting themselves down by setting impossible goals. Then they procrastinate to avoid their own self-created emotional dislike of the job at hand. Cognitive Therapy helps relaxed procrastinators to see clearly how pleasure seeking may, in the long run, lead to unhappiness and show them that procrastination occurs because they are able to trick themselves into believing it is okay to have fun now and put off our work.
Relaxed procrastinators according to Knaus (2002) need to identify and control three kinds of common diversions they use to avoid the tasks that need to be done. The first diversion is called action cop-outs. This is basically doing something that is not a priority. Examples of this diversion include watching TV, eating, playing, sleeping, or even cleaning. Once the procrastinator is engrossed in the diversion, they block out the anxiety, self-doubts, anger, or boredom associated with the work they are putting off but should be doing. The second type of diversion is called mental excuses, which include thoughts such as “I will do it tomorrow” or “I do my best work late at night, I will do it then”. The third type of diversions is emotional diversions. Taking drugs, listening to music, reading novels, and even getting involved in friendships, love, flirtations, or religion could, at times, serve as an escape from unpleasant but important tasks. When felt tempted to procrastinate the patient should use this temptation as a signal to become an objective self-observer, and use a procrastination log to gather information. The procrastination log is a valuable tool to help identify the perceiving, thinking, emotion, diversions, and action paths the patient follows as he /she procrastinate. This awareness exercise provides information to identify the “where,” “what,” and “how” of procrastination.
After identifying the causes of the procrastination the patient should follow a method to set realistic, attainable goals. Fiore (2006) suggests a unique scheduling system that includes fixed hours (classes, meetings, meals, etc.) and play time. Rewards are given if the patient starts a project and can concentrate on it for 30 minutes. The idea is to build the habit of frequently getting to work and to build the desire to work and to learn the habit of getting started on a task early. Practice starting studying several times every day for an exam next week is an example of his technique. As with exercising, getting in control of starting and making it a routine are the secrets.
After doing this research for this paper I can identify myself as a relaxed procrastinator. I can recognize that most of the thoughts that have held me back from exercising, studying, and working harder are mental diversions I have created and somehow believed in. I am aware now that my idea that only by exercising the same way I did when I practice soccer is the only way I can lose weight is just a mental excuse I have created to not follow a more realistic exercise routine. I am also aware of the pleasure seeking activities I engage in order to avoid important tasks. I will like to learn more about the techniques to overcome this habit and will be definitely using the other methods mentioned in this paper.
I don't remember the last day it didn't rain. It's been at least four weeks now. Holy fuck. Last Saturday, my sister's car and my car got flooded, which mine got the worst of it. Yay for the worst flood we've seen in a couple years that happened in less than one hour. Rain flying up. I am fucking sick of this fucking raining shit every fucking DAY PLEASE STOP RAINING OMG. I gotta air out my car but I can't have my windows down cause that would defeat the purpose because of bitch faggot fucking rain. xDDDD
I haven't been putting in too much grinding lately, been learning the art of Zoom poker though which is a big plus for MTT's and CG's (99.3% MTT's obv)
Ugh, so I just moved into my new place, I didn't have an address for my momz to send me my meds which sucked. So I have an adress now - so she can send them. Without them, its very tough to focus on a page in a book, let alone 15 hours of 15-30 mtt's stacked ontop of each other..
So now I have the address atleast!
The apartment is nice, I'll go back into the blog later and upload some pics, pretty standard, 2 story house, 4 apartments, hardwood flooring, orange walls, flat screen tv on the wall and my 32 inch lcd i use for poker under that. Cozy couch with foot extender etc, queen side bed, nice balcony, enjoy it.
feeling a ton more relaxed than i have since i arrived. very thankful, on Canadian thanksgiving i moved in, and obviously I have much to be thankful for.
Oh rambling..um
OK so I'm going to be 6-7 tabling (the best mtt's and just keep 7 going mb pop and 8th on the other screen if its too good to miss from the start)
Do this until next Monday and evaluate everything. I believe I can make more by risking less - I got burnt out after about 45 days and haven't been playing too much since.
My energy levels are rising again and I'm feeling good again though, this is a big plus.
GL to everyone at LP,
I tend to always do my best when it winds down to the last 9-1 mtts of the night anyways, maybe this will be sweet. I've always been to greedy to just keep 7 up. (started out 24 tabling fr cgs like forever ago)
ok just ramblin
love my new place and very thankful to not have the distractions i used to have.. it seems solid atleast.
Meh sunday wasn't so good last week, I'm kinda sour from it, I want a great performance this Sunday. Settle for nothing less.
worth a try, maybe someone is in South America
I won 2 of those packages so I'm selling one
it's ENJOY TOWER FEST, a brazilian event, it will be in Enjoy Hotel and Resort in Santiago - Chile
5 nights ( november 12 to 17 ) at Enjoy Hotel & Resort for 2 people with breakfast
transportation from airport to the hotel
750$ buy in to the Main Event
the package worth 2300$ without the airline tickets, and I'm selling it for 1500$ ( need to sell this week ) and I can negotiate, like 1300 + 20% tournament action ( the field is just old fat dudes so I'm pretty confident in taking action ) etc
Im disgusted by vagina but don't find men sexually attractive. Im not sexually attracted to post-op trans-women. I like shemales who have cocks. I want to be a shemale too and fuck other shemales. My family is a military family. I went to a support group of trans-women and a trans-woman called me a faggot and said I'm fucking up public opinion of trans-women. Am I wrong? I went to a boob job clinic in las vegas and they wouldnt give me a boob job.
I saw her again yesterday.... i was worried she would put up some last minute resistance again to sex, so i read a lot on the subject. but that was useless because the second she came here she literally jumped on me and put up 0 resistance. But the big problem is... i've never seen a vagina this tight. Trust me, i tryed a lot, but it was impossible to put my dick inside her vagina. Geez, sometimes i even tryed to put in my dick while semi hard so it can fit, but it was impossible to fit in. I mean, before it happened that i slept with girls where it was difficult to put it inside, but never IMPOSSIBLE lol. Btw i do have a good sized member, but not some sort of monster 12 inch thing.
After some talking, she admitted she's a virgin (which surprised me because i would never have guessed it, especially since she's 26 and cute and not extremely difficult). She also admitted she tryed to sleep with a guy before, but same thing happened. And she also said she is totally unable to give herself orgasms on her own, it only works with a guy.
I was able to finger her, even enter 2 fingers, but with 2 fingers then it was REALLY tight and it hurt her a little.
So hmmm i'm not sure what to do because this girl is actually really great. She likes video games, cutest girl i ever picked up, has good job, nice values, knows how to do good massages, we really love kissing/touching each others, etc. Also she's really easy to please with hands/mouth.
I told her to go see a doctor because from what i read on the internet, any girl can sleep with any guy normally, since the vagina is able to give birth to a baby and no guy has a penis anywhere close to a baby. Doctors probably got some solutions. ALso next week i might try again with a lot of lube but i'm afraid i could really hurt her.
So... what would you guys do? the girl seems really into me, and i'm also really into her, so dumping her is no easy decision. Cheating on her is really against my values and she doesn't deserve that she seems like a really good girl (even tho i thought about that one lol). I could also just wait it out, but geez i hate having no sex and its not like i got any problems getting laid.
I think maybe around a year ago, there was a fashion thread for nerds/geeks to dress more maturely. It covered everything from suits, to shirts, to shoes.
After reading over that forum, it lead into a small obsession and I started to read everything I could on fashion. Anyway, after a year of collecting/buying clothes I figured I'd show what kind of classic styles I find to be more accessible for people like me who has no need to wear a suit every day.
Honestly the best thing about having a "complete" closet is that I never have to worry about looking like a moron/manchild when I go out for socials.
I came across a thread on that other poker forum offering live coaching assistance, which peaked my curiosity so I bought a few sessions to see if I could plug any glaring leaks in my game. I just kinda wanted a fresh start and figured I might as well start with live since the play is so much worse. I came with my hat in hand knowing I was probably doing everything backwards at this point and looking to start over. See whenever I play live I seem to get completely lost in the hand. I could just never find a way to get paid off properly, it had to be something I was doing wrong.
My "coach" kinda drew my attention to the fact that I'm not really going into the hand with a plan. Basically just level 1 poker thinking "i has hand, therefore I bets". I mean I could actually put people on semi-accurate ranges quite often, but I just didnt know how to exploit it. So he's sorta helped me start shifting my strategy to "ok, how can I make money with this hand, vs this player, from this position". Most of the time the answer is "I cant" resulting a fold, which has been really helpful. For instance I would raise 44 utg 9 handed, because somewhere along the line I picked up a strat that says you should raise all PP's regardless of position if you are first in the pot. I get the logic behind it, balance and all that shit. I also get the logic that says you might not even need to balance, so just limp, you could flop a set and stack 3 people first to act. Well it's shit like this that just never panned out. I'd whiff most of the time and have no chance of taking it down on the flop no matter how the hand played out, or I'd flop a set and make like no money.
It wasnt until he asked me to describe how I win a big pot utg with 44 that I started stuttering and realized I had no idea, no plan at all. Just flop a set and hope someone else flops something big enough to cooler them with. Which is funny, because it also brought up this idea of what he called "reciprocity" from some book, which basically says something like you dont make money when you stack someone if they didnt make a mistake. If someone gets it allin for 200BB's vs me set over set, well they didnt really make a mistake. So that money I won wasnt really profit, because it could just go right back when I'm on the opposite side of the table. We make money when our opponents make mistakes. So instead of set-mining out of position with 7x preflop raises, maybe I should just fold and wait to pick up that hand in late position after a few limpers or even a raiser has given me a specific REASON to play that hand vs him. So I really made a concerted effort to look at the board, look at my opponent, think about what he could have (very loose players which can make it difficult sometimes) and then think "how do I get the most money here. Do I raise? Do I call? How much do I bet, small or big?" etc.
So for instance one interesting hand that I found out later I played kinda wrong went like this:
Hero (BB) is dealt 66
UTG (nit $350) raises $15
EP (station $600) calls
CO (maniac $500) calls
Hero (tag $600) calls
Flop ($60)
5 6 9 r
Hero checks
UTG checks
EP bets $20
CO calls
Hero check-raises $120
UTG folds
EP calls
CO folds
Turn ($320)
5 6 9 9 r
Hero checks
EP checks
River ($320)
5 6 9 9 4 r
Hero bets $100
EP min-raises to $200
Hero calls
EP shows 55
My line? Well I was obviously fist-pumping until the river minraise. I checked the turn to induce, and bet the river 1/3 for value against a straight or 9. But I knew he had to be strong, and his raise froze me. I put him on 96. Yeah thats right, one single hand, the only hand that plays passively to see a clear turn card and doesnt just get it allin right away. EP is a horrible player who earlier called a raise OOP with J3s and called a cbet on a 39Qr flop. So often I just freeze vs these players because I get nightmares of all the times I've been sucked out on. I mean he minraised for christ's sake, fish ONLY do that with the goddamn nuts, or at least what they think is the nuts. It just seemed like one of those "well theres no sense in raising, but I cant fold getting 6:1 with a solid boat".
So my coach says instead of trying to get fancy with the turn check, I should have just been pumping money in the whole time. Lead the flop, even into the nit and callers. The idea is simple, they either have something or they dont. If they have something on a board like this, they are calling/raising. We cant be missing any streets of value here. Even as played, on the turn I gotta just ship, especially after he calls a huge check-raise like that. Is anyone ever folding trip 9's or a straight? Fuck no. Get it in now while my equity is still good. Even though I was kinda sorta right on the river about him being so strong, I still cost myself some money from failing to have gotten it allin earlier despite what he could have had.
So that hand stuck with me, and I made sure to use it last night. This time it's a family pot limped to me in the SB and I complete with 78o.
He then says to me "wow, I didnt think you would bet with the nuts there". It obviously didnt really matter since he had 2 pair, but chances are he'd still be thinking that even without 2 pair and probably play it the same way vs me with any top pair, draw, etc. Assuming he'd overplay top pair on this board, these are the kinds of spots where I'm getting villains to make legitimate mistakes, and thus make legitimate profit and not just "reciprocal" profit.
Anyway we'll see where this goes for now. 1st night I won $1200, 2nd night I lost $600 using a 3 buyin stop loss (all coolers). I've picked 3 buyins both for tilt and image purposes. Obviously tilt is the most important, and 3 buyins is all I can really stomach right now before it starts to affect my play. The image part comes into the fact that once people see you losing, even if it was with the nuts every time, bad things start to happen. Fish start to play back at you, nits open up against you, everyone just suddenly sees you as some sort of mark because they know you keep losing. So it's just best to quit before you look like a tilted donkey and have everyone mysteriously playing their A-game against you.
Any NL~50 grinder in the house?by DustySwedeDude, October 11
Yo, I need help from some kind of proven low stakes/micro stake guy who has a reasonable sample of beating the crap out of micro stakes.
Requirements:
1. Proven winner at like NL50 or something like that. If you happen to beat like 10USD SNG's or something hard enough that could work too.
2. Easy to deal with/easy going.
3. Somewhat committed to getting better and trying understand poker as best as he/she can.
4. Fluent in English or Swedish. Preferably not too many time zones of CET.
If you think you full fill the stuff, can spend some time on a little (possibly reasonably fun) project I want to get started, send me a PM.
Lately I've been playing some STT SNGs and spamming some satties, with the occasional fun 180 1$ hyper. Been running awful for the whole night, but then I somehow managed to get ITM in one of those hypers and from there on I just killed the tournament. At the start of the final table I was 3/9, but been running super hot after that, like 80% of the flops hit me and the rest of the players were playing scared money (like 2.5 for 9th place, 50 bucks for 1st), and I just put pressure on them constantly. I know it's a nothing for you guys, and TBH even I would have smiled yesterday on a blog like this, but it's a REAL nice feeling.
I'm happy!
Submitted by : napoleono
PokerStars Hand #105305993755: Tournament #800262424, $0.91+$0.09 USD Holdem No Limit - Level XXVI (1500/3000) - 2013/10/10 14:50:49 ET
Table 800262424 12 9-max Seat #6 is the button
Seat 6: napoleono (57864 in chips)
Seat 9: MacLean91 (32136 in chips)
napoleono: posts the ante 300
MacLean91: posts the ante 300
napoleono: posts small blind 1500
MacLean91: posts big blind 3000
Holecards(Odds) Dealt to napoleono
napoleono: raises 3000 to 6000
MacLean91: raises 25836 to 31836 and is all-in
napoleono: calls 25836
Showdown MacLean91: shows (a pair of Aces)
napoleono: shows (a pair of Aces - Queen+Eight kicker)
napoleono collected 64272 from pot
MacLean91 finished the tournament in 2nd place and received $32.76.
napoleono wins the tournament and receives $49.26 - congratulations!
Summary Total pot 64272 | Rake 0
Board
Seat 6: napoleono (button) (small blind) showed and won (64272) with a pair of Aces
Seat 9: MacLean91 (big blind) showed and lost with a pair of Aces
I havent been blogging at all this year, nor posting too many hands as of late, i appologize for that but i have just been focusing hardcore on the grind and my game, ull understand why if u keep on reading.
With alot of people asking for updates about how im doing etc lately i figured its time as the year is comeing to its end soon(ish) to blog a bit, since i right now feel kinda hyped up and strong mentally.
Ok here we go.
Abit of Ket drama and Naz/daut/mig/smuft stake
As many of you know i lost and busted my roll last year, 400k$. I got a stake by ket pretty fast after going busto and played under him for a few months. We didnt make a solid agreement and everything was kinda badly done from both my and kets end. Long story short i lost some money on the stake, and we got some misscommunication where i thought our stake was over after that since he didnt want to shoot in more money, he was traveling alot during that period and we didnt keep the most active contact. With me not playing for an entire month i had no idea that his plans were that we were gonna continue the stake and clear some makeup and stuff before we were done with eachother.
I didnt even have an idea of what makeup was back then since ive never been or staked any1 before. As i went public and wrote a blogpost about getting a new stake things got really messy. Nazgul Daut Mig and Smuft took me under their wings almost instantly as i posted that stakerequest blog. The problem being me thinking mine and Kets deal was over and Ket thinking it wasnt over. Naz and the guys helped out tons with reviewing skypehistory between me and Ket etc to find out "who was right" and it was all very unclear and things got really rough for me and i had a sick breakdown where everything just felt so fucked up. I had some personal issues during that time with a deep relationship comeing to an end and with the big busting of roll, fearing being in depts aswell as playing on a stake was to much for me and i ended up crying for the first time in years infront of my computer with all the skypewindows up with investigation from Naz and the team aswell as Ket talking to both me and the team.
After a while discussing if i should or shouldnt owe ket money we didnt get any smarter and i really didnt wanna go judge judy on the situation. So instead i talked to Ket as a friend and he responded as a friend and i really felt shitty about everything and i felt like it didnt matter who was right or wrong, it was just a honest misscommunication error. As a friend i wanted to pay him back. Ket and i came to an agreement keeping our problem outside the new Naz-team stake. Ket was very supportive and we agreed of meeting somewhere inbetween with me oweing him a dept of a set amount of $ somewhere inbetween 0 and what i was oweing him in makeup instead or if i wanted to comeback play for him after my new stake was over that was fine too without any timeframe and i felt very relieved that we setteled and came to an agreement as friends. Ket is awesome and i appricieate his understanding of the type of pressure i was under during that time.
So Ket, i havent forgotten about us, im going to pay you before the end of this year no doubt, thats a promise.
Naz-team 5/10$ stake and BJJ in Thailand
As mine and Kets missunderstanding was cleared out i was ready to start grinding again for my new masters and things started out really well. After the first 2 months on stake or so i was up almost 60k$ on 5/10 stars and things felt great, in early 2013 i flyed down to Thailand and grinded from there and started doing BJJ and i started to feel stronger and stronger mentally.
It was the first time i tryed BJJ (ive only done some boxing and muaythai) and all i have to say about that is that BJJ is fucking awesome. I trained for about 2 months on Phuket Top team (link to their homepage here: http://www.phukettopteam.com/). Our BJJ coach there was a 3rd degree blackbelt from brazil and he was no doubt the best coach ive trained under. Im pretty sure im gonna go back there to attend more of his classes in the future.
Here is a clip from one of our trainingsessions:
U can see me in the background around the 57sec mark in yellow and a purple cap (was injured when the video was recorded, i was only there that session to watch and learn)
I hurt my back when a guy took it and choked me out and i wasnt able to train for the last couple weeks of my time there. Therefor as my visa was expiering during the 2nd month in thailand i flew home again to rest up and grind more. I ended up haveing backproblems for aobut 3 months or so wich was sad, i lost the spark a bit. I now train alittlebit home here in sweden. Hopefully i can go at it more actively since BJJ as stated earlier is fucking awesome. imo.
More about poker and qutting the stake
After thailand my heater was clearly over and i started to struggle alot. I was breaking even/slowly loseing over 4-500k hands mostly 5/10$ and i felt like shit again pokerwise. I didnt feel like the best player at the table or even close to it very often and i lost alot of confidence during this period, but that only motivated me to get more into pokertheory and study harder. The games have gotten really though and i think pretty much 50% of the 5/10+ Reg field on pokerstars are as good or superior to me. This was very new for me and Ive learnt alot this year and the entire experience has been good overall for my ego and getting a better grasp of what im capable of and my overall pokerskill. Ive felt like pretty much the best player on 5/10 10/20 for years prior to 2013 and clearly thats not the case anymore and it took some time for that to sink in. But like i said earlier, that lit a big fire under my ass and ive been working harder then ever before with adding more and more offtable study since this summer and ive improved tons and im really starting to the see results of that aswell as just feeling like a much better player now then i was when this year started.
As of August the 1st me and the staketeam talked things over and with probably 600k hands played on stake, being breakeven we made the decision to quit the stake while still being in the green, i was close to supernova elite phase, and i wanted to go after it and move down stakes and continue on my own, the team was very supportive of my plan and we all agreed on going seperatly with my backers only makeing a small profit. Wich feels alittlebit bad, i wouldnt mind makeing more money for them as they have been nothing else but supportive and very good to me.
Thanks to Ket Naz Daut Mig and Smuft Pinball and Dusty for everything u guys have done for me during this rough time, i really appriciate it.
Unfortunatly i dont have all the hands from the stake on my computer, i only have from april-july on this computer on stake, and the thailandhands i got on my laptop, but i felt like instead of getting those graphs posted here i can just tell my results instead, they arent very good. all together its pretty much a 600k hand graph going up 60k in the first 100k hands, and then pendeling between 0$ and 45k$ up and down up and down for the next 500k hands.
Moveing down in stakes for the first time in years, results and graphs
August 1st, i was finally playing on my own again for the first time in a loooong time. i deposited 15k$ of my own money on stars and started off alittlebit behind SNEphase 24 tableing 1/2.
I was alittle scared to be honest about how the skill level would be on 1/2 and if i could be able to masstable it profitably but after starting off with a 25 buy in day the first day as my own boss the pressure was instantly gone as i felt like i defenetely had nothing to fear down there without judgeing to much from the good first payday but more on the level of the regulars in those games compared to the 5/10 level (no offence to all of u LP 1/2 regs out there)
After buying acouple of FPP bonuses together with the profit i made on 1/2 i decided to take a 2/4 shot after only 2 weeks of grinding 1/2 (yes, i played 110k hands in 2 weeks ) once i hit 75 buy ins for it and change things up to 12-16 tables instead since i felt like i didnt do toooo well 24 tableing 1/2 as it often got very stressful. I hit a big heater on 2/4 and i felt really strong as i put in tons of hours in CRev and doing theorywork on my ranges during these months my game felt stronger then ever and takeing a step back was defenetely good for me accepting that i wasnt crushing 5/10 anymore. I feel right now that i took 2 steps forward with this movedown in stakes together with all the time and effort i put in off the tables.
12-16 tableing was defenetely my sweetspot, running insanely good helped out tons too obviously. As i bulldozed through 2/4 i started playing 500zoom as i hit 75 buyins for that.
Well, since i started playing 1/2 August the 1st this year ive only played about 2.5 months now on my own and im currently putting in most of my hours on 500zoom and have been doing so for about 1.5 month together with 2/4 and alittlebit of 3/6 + the small 5/10 shot i did one day wich ended badly.
Oh, i recently also deposited a littlebit on my bread and butter swedish site Svenskaspel, these are my results the past days (godmode activated)
The games are still extremely soft for the stakes ive been playing there, wich is mostly 25/50 sek aka 4/8$ but today i even took a 8/16$ shot wich ended up more then well for me.
Small sample over there but i really noticed how much my game really with capital R have improved this year. Playing with the swedish regs on that site puts things in perspective, it feels like im Neo in the matrix.
Supernovaelite
Today as i was playing 4 tables of 500 zoom together with 2-3 tables on the swedish site i got over the 800k VPP mark and SNE starts to become a reality now, im getting really close and im about 30k VPP above phase. Spotting that 20000$ number today floating beside the milestonebar felt really good. SOOOOOON
What are my plans for the future? Well, first off im gonna finish this brutally tought SNE grind and give SNE the finger. I can with confidence say, never again.
It has been a tough year, very tough year, breaking even and getting my ego and confidence crushed during the first 6 months of the year aswell as putting in all of these hours into poker, both playing and studying i cant really say ive had much of a life this year. But it has been a very good ride. I have forced myself to improve my game and get a better understanding of pokertheory, math and the "GTO" approach. Wich is all new for me, being what i would concider a prior washed up explo lagtard that have gotten destroyed by the new rooster of really tough good hardworking highstakesregulars. And im happy to say that i feel like ive catched up to them and i look forward to trying to get my ass back up on highstakes, WITHOUT supernovaelite. I dont think im capable of playing on that level on that many tables/hours that is needed for SNE, its insanely challaging and theres been alot of B and even C game volume, but atleast now my B and C game have improved to probably my old B+ game in quality. However i dont think i can do this again, unless i want to settle on midstakes, wich isnt really what i want to do, i still have great ambitions to become a feared highstakesreg again, and im pretty sure i will get there, with playing fewer tables and higher quality volume + continue working on my game outside the tables, i have all the tools, now its just up to me how i want to spend my pokertime.
Im looking forward to playing fewer tables next year, play fewer hours aswell as hopefully playing higher stakes without cutting out my new offtable workethic im sure i will get there. Im also looking forward to enjoy life more off the computer and get back into BJJ more again aswell as spend alot more time with my friends.
Thats all for now, ill make another update at the end of the year, hopefully i can continue and finish the year as strong as i have been the last months.
I don't even know what to sayby DustySwedeDude, October 09
Yesterday we went to the hospital, my girlfriend was supposed be in surgery today. The doctor comes into the room and tells her that someone's fucked up and that his opinion is that if they do the surgery it'll probably just do more damage then good. The reason someone fucked up is that the last bloody doctor at the same hospital decided to put down a diagnosis without even looking at the X-rays. When I heard that, while I up to a minute ago was under the impression that my gf finally, after about 10 years of pain, would get her back fixed, wasn't very fun.
Did I mention that we had to kill of her damaged (edit: according to the vet the horse was no longer "fit to ride" due to a damaged knee that was only getting worse) horse since we could not find anyone she really trusted to take care of the horse for a few weeks while she recovered from surgery? Oh, and that apparently someone has to hold the horse while they kill it? Guess who had to do that? I don't even like horses, but it's still no fun to do that stuff. It shouldn't have felt as much as it did to take care of it though, I am from a butcher's family after all. I'm getting all sensitive and stuff at my old age. Anyway, I kind of liked that horse despite it being, well, a horse.
RIP horse, you where a weird little bastard but I kind of liked you anyway.
We've got another appointment in a few days. She's probably get her surgery in a month or so, good thing I had yet to buy any tickets for Christmas. I guess we'll spend it here, with my mother in law, rather then in Budapest or something fun like that. I'm bloody annoyed. Called my dad,ranted and explained that I wasn't sure wtf I'd do if there's another fuck up. He told me he'd visit me in jail. I like my dad.
so, as some of you know, i had made myself a fuckfriend. the girl was pretty nice since she would literally do anything i wanted on demand (blowjob massage sex etc), and we was soon getting tested/contraception for safe unprotected sex. The problem was i wasn't really into her and she was obviously develloping feelings.
So during this time, there was this one girl that was flirting me, but she lived 1h30 away from me, so i was somewhat uninterested. Eventually we did cam and stuff i realized that girl really seemed amazing so i gave it a shot and meet her...
We first went into restaurant, and then went for "a walk in the park". so as soon as i saw a bench, i sat there, and got her to sit next to me. So i kissed her, we made out for some time, and then it went like really hardcore where she sat on me, dry humping me while doing intense makeout. Considering the park was empty and it was late and dark, i actually started touching her everywhere, and eventually rubbing her clit... and after a while... i actually tryed to undress her LOL. But it is october and it was pretty cold outside, and we were actually in a public park, so she was like... "what are you doing?".
Then we decided to go back to her car, walking side by side. THen she asked me "so what do you want to do now?". So i was like... "huh i don't know the town, where do you want to go out?". Then she was like "i wasn't thinking about that...." Then we started making out again, and after that i asked her to go to her place. So we actually saw her dad and i was pretty afraid he would shake my hand considering how my hand smelled his daughter's pussy. We went downstairs and thats where we literally ended up both naked (except she kept her panties on), and we dry humped + make out for a while. I actually stupidly didn't bring condoms because i didn't want to mess things up with this girl (i tend to suck at sex with condoms on), but i was so excited i actually tryed to have sex with her. She denied, both because it was first night and she has principles, but also because we had no condoms...
After that i left shortly after. When we talked on facebook she seemed to keep interest and did some <3 when we went to sleep a few times. She also told me when she was driving home and feeling tired she was thinking about me to stay awake.
Then i had made plan to see each others this weekend, even found a nice activity of zombie simulation, and she seemed to look forward to it. But now...
Monday i caught a cold... so i really hope i'm going to feel better by then. making out and then pausing to sneeze isn't exactly the biggest turn on ever. my plan is to just tell her about it and try to delay the date to sunday, or even skip this weekend completly. but i'm not feeling too horrible at all
And the second thing is, i'm wondering if i should consult a doctor tomorow about my occasionnal erection problems... i mean friday i didn't seem like i had any problems with my erections, but i had problems with my fuck friend a few times, so i really don't want it to happen with this girl. Seeing the doctor could be embassing and trouble, but this doctor is really good and will probably do blood test and stuff, so if its physical he will find out and probably prescribe something, so idk. But at the same time i know oral medication can be pretty dangerous if you have 0 problems down there. I know my problem might just be due to porn, but i'm not 100% sure.
Notes: this girl is actually the best looking one i've been with. Cute face, and actually really slim. She also seems sane, and has a good job. Likes video games, doesn't do drugs or shit like that. Seems nice and funny. Also the most intense make out i ever had. Hence why i don't wanna fuck things up.
Note: i told the truth to the Fuck Friend so won't see her again for now....
I intended on getting my certificate in the appraisal of real estate, but now i'm more interested in getting a bachelor is history. Does anyone have any experiences to share?
Appraisers make decent money, they pick up skills needed to be a good real estate investor and i have key connections.
History leads me to law and is obv more interesting.
So this blog is going to be a geek whine fest for sci-fi films. Some of you may have heard of a new movie that was just released called Gravity.
The following trailer pretty much sums up the entire movie and basically spoils everything
The rest of this blog will be filled with spoilers. Anyway it has only 2 characters in the entire film depicting a couple of astronauts doing routine space shit. The movie got a lot of people hyped due to the impressive trailer depicting excellent special fx and attention to details, namely their attention to physics. Unfortunately thats about all this movie is, just a demonstration in physics simulations and how difficult maneuvering in zero G can be. The movie was cool and all and I liked it, but there didnt seem to be much point to what was happening. There wasnt any kind of story. Routine mission goes bad due to totally implausible satellite detonation by the Russians, and now there's debris flying everywhere. The orbiting debris around the earth is what gives pause for suspense to build before the debris makes its return and causes more destruction.
The problem without any sort of story is that it's hard to empathize with the characters. Each event is nothing more than a vehicle to set up the next challenge. "Oh crap the shuttle is destroyed, better get to the space station. Oh shit the space station is destroyed, better get to the chinese space station. Goddamn now thats destroyed, better return to earth." There is no grand scheme or anything you're waiting for, other than for the characters to either die or be rescued. George Clooney plays George Clooney the sexy astronaut. It's pretty unbelievable that any astronaut would behave the way he does, but I guess they wanted something in there to break the tension.
You see the problem with a movie like this is that the director wanted it to be as realistic as possible with the phenomenal effects, yet creates this impossible situation and silly character that are complete fiction. The whole crux of the movie is that the Russians inexplicably launch a missile to destroy one of their own satellites. It's not too far fetched, but it's also not the kind of thing that is done at the drop of the hat precisely due to potential debris fields created causing problems for other nations. I know we're not exactly on the best of terms with Russia, but I still dont think they would risk something like this knowing they could endanger American lives. I mean China did this very thing a few years ago, and the USA was fully notified so that they could be sure there would be no risk to the ISS or other missions. What China did was a little different and just a test of anti-satellite technology, but still this whole idea that the Russians lost a very important satellite and just HAD to blow it up RIGHT NOW and then obliterate the ISS in the process is laughable. That'd be like launching a nuke to blow up Red October and then taking out the Statue of Liberty with it and go "whoops our bad guys".
The Russians would never launch a missile to destroy a rogue satellite without at least notifying the United States of the potential for damage. And even if they did the USA would be on high alert and abort any space walk on the off-change such a weapon caused a debris field which is the #1 threat of satellite destruction. So annnnyyyyway, debris from a poorly executed satellite demolition destroys the shuttle and each of their failback escape methods one by one so that the astronauts just cant get a break. And while the film prides itself on realism, they then depict Clooney chasing Sandra down with a jetpack for what must have taken an hour to attempt, and then have her use a fire extinguisher in space when no jetpack is available to hurl herself towards the ISS. I kinda knew from the beginning that this movie would be like "2001 Space Odyssey: For Amatuers who dont understand the vacuum of space". They preface the movie before the starting credits informing people that there is no sound in space, since I'm sure most dumb audience members would be like "hey something is wrong with the surround sound, I just saw an explosion and didnt hear anything!".
So, without trying to lose the audience with hyper realism they toss in a few hero moments when in reality if the shuttle were destroyed everyone would just die in 60 minutes. Even the re-entry to earth was laughable and should have resulted in her instant death (recovery pod is tumbling through the atmosphere on fire for quite some time before correcting trajectory and using its heat shield properly. If this were to really happen I'm pretty sure the hull would be penetrated immediately and she'd die, like what happened with the Columbia tragedy)
Anyway if you want to see some impressive special fx with ridiculous levels of detail (the debris from the ISS being struck must literally have thousands of independently animated objects per frame) you'll like the movie. I guess you could consider this a bit of a rant, but only because the movie is getting such high regard. It's a neat movie but it's riddled with flaws, the kind that cant be forgiven since more realistic space flight movies have already been done so this movie isnt even meeting expectations imo.
New KoRn album out - "The Paradigm Shift". If you're in any way a korn fan you'll like it. Good to have their dual wielding guitar combo back with the reunion of Head to the team, bringing back some interesting and unique notes that have been missing all these years from having 2 guitarists.
I currently live in North Carolina in a small hick town in the middle of nowhere. It has high poverty and no opportunity. Lots of drug related crime and government corruption. It has a few charms, but I am not here to discuss this. I work at a community college and had been the fiscal manager for a non profit. The pay here sucks, so I have been looking for new jobs in new locations. I have one firm offer and am expecting another on Monday afternoon or Tuesday.
The first job is located in Wilmington, North Carolina. It is working for the school system, in accounting. Specifically, it will be working in finance and insurance. The location is great, but the pay still leaves a lot to be desired. It is considered a decent wage for the area, but in the larger scheme, it's low. It is a government job, so there will not be rewards based on performance, but rather time put in. One of my best friends will be moving to the area in the same time frame as I do, if I sign the contract to accept. It does have a good amount of time off, the weather is nice, and it is a relatively charming "city." Really, the only cons about Wilmington would be salary - but its affect is far reaching, because it lowers my future earnings. It will not be a long term career, but even for the interim, it hurts.
The second job, the offer I am expecting, is located in Bismarck, North Dakota. I have never been to North Dakota, and there is a reason for that: it is in the middle of no where. The weather is cold. The population is small (the city is the capitol of the state, and it has about 100k people, same as Wilmington). There aren't places to go in a close proximity. The job, however, has a lot of promise. It is for a growing industrial contracting and construction company, working in payroll. The job would pay significantly more than in Wilmington (20-25% more) and has similar benefits as far as insurance goes. That said, it offers incentive for hard work by issuing a yearly bonus, and bi annual evaluations and raises. It would also pay for me to get my Master's degree and a CPA.
So it boils down to this: location or job?
In a perfect world, I would be able to live in Wilmington and have the job from North Dakota, but I cannot have it all. What is more important to you when choosing a job or option that will greatly influence your life? Social life potential is big, but if I work for the schools I can't be seen going out drinking, etc. In North Dakota, it is always cold, and there is no beach, so there will be no bikinis.
All input is welcome. It is a very tough decision for me, because I want to improve my career outlook, but at what cost?
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(started out 24 tabling fr cgs like forever ago)
(a pair of Aces)
